“It’s Not a Quick Fix.” Notes for the ‘good’ white people: Insights on conversations about race at work
Note: What is ‘good’ in times of sociopolitical unrest? Is it ‘good’ enough?
Are you a white person who calls themselves an ally or ‘woke’? Are you a white person who is proud of yourself for being less racist than your neighbor but still misquotes Rev Dr. MLK jr.?’ Are you a white person who is ‘polite’ to Black people, but you don’t have their experience so you stay quiet whenever conversations about race come up? Are you a white person who is afraid to say ‘Black’ or ‘African American’? I could keep these questions going, but hopefully, you get the point. The following notes are for you ‘good’ white people.
“I mean, people get really hype about calling themselves allies when in truth there may not be a Black, Indigenous, Person of Color (BIPOC) in sight who feels allied with, supported by, or advocated for by said ally”- Anonymous
These are notes for the ‘good’ white people, because yes Black people are talking to you, too. #youttooperpuateracism. This racial-tension, anti-racism, anti-oppressive work is not a quick fix. Many white people are crying over broken windows and looted businesses, but easily forget dead bodies. Why? I’m disturbed, aren’t you? And yes you can be upset about dead bodies, and broken windows while understanding the systematic racism and history at the center of it all. The following statements and observations are often made in conversations on race in America by ‘good’ white people. Many of these statements can get in the way of healing, relationship and culture building, and organizational climate, among Black, white, and other groups of people. I use a few examples for social workers and therapists, which are also relevant to other professionals.
Intergenerational trauma “is real. (Fact).
■ Intergenerational trauma, shared trauma and stress, across generations of people, is what you are currently seeing. And this is nothing new. Black lives have been disregarded for centuries. Thus in this time, many Black people are not only speaking up for ourselves, rather we are fighting against racism, prejudice, and oppression that we and many other people in our lives have experienced, for generations. #BlackLivesMatter
■ In conversations about race, most Black people have racist, oppressive experiences that white people and others will never have or have never had. Even a non-Black scholar on Black World Studies can miss the mark because there are things that they may not have experienced and may never experience simply because of the color of their skin. Thus, race knows no age. Young Black people are experts on things that the oldest white woman or person will never know/experience.
Words matter.
Often stated by white colleagues: ‘We should all feel safe’. ‘Let’s respect one another.’ ‘We should all have integrity’. ‘Let’s be professional.’ As white American education has taught many of us, Black people, and as a society, we must interrogate every word in said conversations. We must ensure that conversations on race reflect the reality of race relations in America and the holistic wellbeing of Black people, at the center of the conversation.
What is ‘safe’(and for whom)?
■ For many Black people just speaking to white people does not feel safe, for many reasons, including the way white people have treated us and those that came before us- it is traumatizing in many ways. So together, as a society, we must discuss and act in ways that create a ‘safe’ environment for Black people. We must continually examine and re-evaluate what makes Black people feel safe and how can the needs of Black people be accommodated?
What is ‘respect’ (and for whom)?
■ In America, ‘respect’ has always meant, respect white people or as some would say ‘respect for the white master.’ The moment that Colin Kapernick kneeled during the national anthem, protesting the killing of Black bodies, he was called disrespectful. So again, together as a society, we must examine, what is respect???? And for whom??? If someone’s tone in a meeting or conversation about race bothers you, reflect on how they must be feeling, and the courage it takes to speak on the things that bring us pain.
■ When a client is expressing themselves how do we as social workers and therapists tell them how to speak? Do we tell them to ‘calm down’ when they are talking about their trauma? How do we comfort or show that we are listening to them?
■ Often asked by white colleagues: How do we create a culture in which everyone feels respected? For a start, white people must acknowledge and start from discussing and addressing the ‘disrespect’ that permeates American culture and history. Until then, white people do not get to set the tone or standards of what is a ‘respectful’ conversation.
What is ‘integrity’ (and for whom)?
■ In America, white people have set the standard for what is respect and what is integrity, while not following those same standards themselves. So these words remain loaded and need to continually be unpacked and discussed, to create a new culture of inclusivity, action, and words that protect the wellbeing of Black people.
What is ‘professional’ (and for whom)?
■ In America, ‘professional’ is among many things-white, Eurocentric norms, including but not limited to types of dress, hairstyles, creative expression, ‘tone’ among other ‘norms’ that must be examined.
■ White America sets the standard for what is ‘professional’ while diluting, cherry-picking, and minimizing the cultures of Black and Brown people. White people must do better, to join and co-create with Black people and others, a culture that is inclusive and respectful of our diversity and beliefs.
Often stated by white colleagues: “We have made progress. We are doing much better than other people/places/times”
■ White America cannot measure its shortcomings by comparing itself to other people, places, historical events, and time. This rhetoric leads to the minimization of the perpetuation of racist, oppressive systems even among a ‘good’ organization or ‘good’ white people.
■ Also, similar to times when a social worker or therapist feels like a session has gone well but finds out later that the client felt it went wrong, we cannot judge our own progress. Google #Blackintheivorytower on twitter.
■ How many of you, have ever been in a relationship that was ‘going well’…only to find out that it was riddled with so much distrust, disagreement, and pain? Self-reflect, speak with other white people, speak with Black people and others, if they are willing, to discuss how a personal or professional relationship is really going. Note: Don’t go telling people that you have a good black friend when the last time that you spoke to them was in high school, and you are now years out of high school. Or you have a black neighbor and you cannot remember the last time that you spoke to them.
Often stated by white colleagues: ‘I was cut off during a conversation.’ ‘I didn’t finish what I wanted to say.’ ‘I was interrupted’
■ Intent vs. impact- As a white person, you may have good intentions with your words or stories, however, whenever race in America is discussed many Black people hear the beginning of a white person’s sentiments and know when it won’t end well.
Black people know this because we have heard the “beginning” of the same sentiments over and over again. For example, often stated by white colleagues ‘If I were black’; ‘I remember seeing signs for ‘Whites’ and ‘Colored’ people; ‘We need to have a respectful conversation’, to list a few.
Thus, if someone (Black or non-black) cuts you off in a conversation, just know that 1. You probably already said something disrespectful, racist, and/or insensitive 2. There is probably a side conversation happening about said statements 3. A Black person and other people may be holding their breath/tongue to avoid using all of their energy to correct or address your statements 4. Whoever corrected you is protecting you, from saying or reiterating racist, insensitive sentiments, that may be forgiven by some, but not forgotten by many.
■ In the same way that through social media, Twitter, in particular, a message can be conveyed in 140 or 240 characters, when a white person speaks, you must know that every part of your message matters. Consider beginning with the impact or end in mind(e.g. social justice, equality, anti-racism) during conversations on race in America.
“If I were Black”
■As a white person, please do not use/begin with such an example, because you will never be in a Black body. Statements that begin like this oversimplify and dismiss what it is like to be Black in America and globally.
Often stated by white colleagues: “I was attacked” or ‘I felt attacked’
■ White people need to choose their words carefully.
■ Yes, Black people are being attacked in the streets, killed, and buried.
■ No, white person, you are not being ‘attacked’ in a conversation or disagreement in which you feel uncomfortable or even disrespected. In what other ways can you reframe our words to describe discomfort or what you might feel is disrespect without referencing ‘violence’ (attack)?
■ Furthermore, as a white person saying ‘I or we feel attacked’ in a conversation on race is like a white police officer at a protest expressing that he is ‘scared for his life.’ When in fact, he is white, has a gun, baton, and the law (e.g. institutional racism, state-sanctioned violence) behind him- how do you think many of the protestors, some who are Black, feel?
Engage and do not shy away from conversations on race.
■ As you are being a good listener, do ask questions and respond to the experiences of Black people. However, have no expectations. As a white person, be prepared to sometimes be corrected or to hear ‘you don’t understand’ among other things in conversations on race. Furthermore, it is important to speak up rather than to sit in silence, because ‘white silence is white violence’ in America and all over the world. Bishop Desmond Tutu’s quote further illustrates this point (see below).
“If you are neutral in situations of injustice, you have chosen the side of the oppressor. If an elephant has its foot on the tail of a mouse and you say that you are neutral, the mouse will not appreciate your neutrality.”–Bishop Desmond Tutu
White people must be mindful of how certain ‘polite’ words and conversations have been used historically and presently to harm Black people. White people must work with Black people and others to strive towards creating a culture of inclusivity. White people must read and listen to Black scholars and individuals, who feel compelled to speak on their experiences. White people must do the work to become anti-racist and anti-oppressive, among other white people.
As a white person, review meeting agendas, programs, emails, and other material with other white colleagues, to ensure that you convey a sensitive, anti-racist, anti-prejudice tone in communication with Black people and others. Also, if they agree, work with Black colleagues to create an anti-racist, anti-prejudice climate. As white people, reflect on interpersonal conversations, apologize to individuals and groups when you wrong them, and work on changing your words and actions because that is what matters most. However, understand that apologies do not fix wounds, and healing takes time. There is no quick fix. Millions of Black people are carrying the pain of those that came before us and dealing with the pain in this current system. Remember this when you feel sad or ‘attacked’ during conversations about race.
As white people, do the work to dismantle white supremacy, institutional racism, and other injustices at micro and macro levels. And do this work privately and publicly, because Black people can sense when white people post or say something publicly for show, with no intent to change. Until then, there cannot be business as usual.#BlackLivesMatter
Love & Light,
Change
