Answering a Difficult Question Involving Parenting and Anti-Speciesism
I recently responded to a friend about raising children in a vegan family, or one where only some members are vegan. Here’s my perspective, which I hope others may find useful.
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Premise: This article does not address the topic from a nutritional perspective because that is not the question being answered, and the subject has been extensively covered with ample literature available. A vegan diet is suitable for all stages of a person’s life, and this is assumed in the following discussion.
The Question
How do you manage with children regarding your dietary choices? I struggle to fully adopt veganism because I don’t want to impose it on my child, making it hard to balance meals and give up everything on the table. How do you handle it?
Imposition
The term “imposition” frequently comes up when discussing ethical choices, not just in speciesism. These discussions inevitably involve our personal experiences, leading us to re-examine our values. This process is often uncomfortable and it’s natural to want to avoid it. In such conversations, one person might feel exposed or challenged against their will.
While recognizing that this discomfort exists and is justified, it’s important to note that the word “imposition” is often overused and exaggerated. Describing a dialogue where no physical coercion is involved with such a term is misleading. The aim is to bring certain realities to light and compare them with our moral principles. The issue is internal, within our own conscience.
Education
When it comes to parenting, growth, and educating children, the word “imposition” becomes even more misleading. Parents constantly make decisions affecting their children’s lives, often without consulting them. This isn’t inherently wrong. Any parental decision could be seen as an imposition by nature.
Instead, we should consider the complexity of the word “education.” While the educational process involves authority, the relationship between this authority and the child is not about merely shaping clay or filling a container with concepts, rules, skills, or values. It involves recognizing that the child is a person with their own inclinations, reasoning, will, and desires, and establishing an honest dialogue with them.
The Choice
Speciesism is the first form of discrimination we learn and pass on to our children. They learn to attribute different values to other lives based on species, distinguishing between humans and animals, and further differentiating among animal species. It’s wrong to abuse, beat, or harm a dog or cat, and seeing a child care for an animal and form a deep bond fills us with joy, highlighting their empathetic capacity. However, it’s considered acceptable to abuse, exploit, and kill a chicken, pig, cow, etc.
This disconnection is possible through verbal gymnastics, omissions, half-truths, or outright lies, based on the belief that children can’t process such information or fear of their potential decisions.
And this is where choice comes into play. It’s not about making a moral judgment on how to be parents. Most of us weren’t born vegan but were raised in loving families concerned with providing for their children. Their lifestyle was based on beliefs and values that led them to omit or alter certain facts, suspending critical thinking for a greater good.
The point is: raising a child aware of what they are eating (or wearing) is a choice, just as not doing so is. In both cases, the parent decides for the child. They decide whether to involve them in the choice or not.
Considering children, an omnivorous attitude is understandable given the strong myths linking meat to well-being. Parents, driven by the desire to do their best for their child, may hesitate to question established practices and long-standing traditions.
Those who have freed themselves from carnist logic have profoundly changed their values and ethics. It’s absurd to expect these values to be excluded from the educational process. In no other context would we dream of asking a parent to educate without using their convictions and morals. It’s not problematic for a religious family to openly share their beliefs with their children, so it should be even less of an issue for someone rejecting an oppressive and violent system that is tangible, visible (if one seeks it out), and touchable (if one has the stomach for it) every day.
Free and Conscious
Children have a remarkable capacity for empathy towards animals, not viewing them as food or prey. A famous activist often used a hypothetical example: “Give a child an apple and a bunny, and call me when they start playing with the apple and have devoured the bunny.”
Respecting their nature is an effort worth making. Being honest about the origins of food, without exposing them to traumatic details, is crucial. Meat isn’t just meat; it’s a part of an animal’s body that was once alive and killed to be eaten. This straightforward explanation satisfies their curiosity and allows them to process and decide without deceit.
Parents are role models, and their behavior can pique a child’s curiosity, reassure them in the face of doubts, or help them understand differences. Being an example means also allowing the child to decide whether to follow that example or not.
When addressing their questions and interactions with the world, it’s important not to introduce concepts of guilt or blame. Whatever decision the child makes, the focus should be on the act of choosing rather than the content of the choice. Accept their thoughts and desires, irrespective of our views, and remove guilt from relationships, allowing others to make their choices freely.
None of these principles involve coercion, force, or threats. Parents and children influence each other through a mutual relationship.
Every parent is an example for their child, a point of reference for better or worse. We strive to be the best example, responding to their questions in a child-appropriate manner without lies.
