A post about choosing the people that choose you.

I am a people pleaser.

I work hard to make sure I am liked and reliable. I am super transparent and I try to never pass judgement. I would give you my drawers if you needed them.

So when people don’t “choose” me, it hurts. It confuses me. My bags of fu*ks to give overflow with abundance.

But this year, I vowed to “give a fu*k less” and to trust my instincts when a vibe is off. I vowed to choose people that choose me.

What does being “chosen” feel like, you ask?

I’ll start by saying what it doesn’t feel like. It doesn’t feel confusing or stressful. It doesn’t feel combative or itchy on your spirit.

It doesn’t feel like walking into a room and having a gnawing notion that everyone is in on a joke that you’re not.

You know when you are in a new dating situation and you don’t want to call or text too much? You’re nervous about saying the wrong thing or coming off a little too crazy or needy or whatever else. You don’t open up because the vibe is off. Your stomach is telling you that the person’s intentions are unpure or unsure.

We ignore this when all the signs are saying, “Get out now! This situation is not your situation! This door is not your door to walk through, you won’t be chosen here.” It doesn’t feel warm and fuzzy. It doesn’t feel like home.

Being chosen feels like “home.”

It’s not all unicorns and rainbows but even when it’s not, you still feel safe and peaceful.

It feels like calling that person you’re dating twenty times because they didn’t pick up and you were worried and it’s not a big deal. They apologize, you apologize. You move forward.

It feels like getting into a disagreement with a friend and calling and saying “are you still mad because I have some sh*t to tell you.” You move forward.

It feels like discussing dreams, fears, goals, fails, sharing wisdom and learnings, holding one another accountable. It feels like forgiveness, trust and growth. You are constantly moving forward.

The actions to take.

Analyze the relationship(s) that feel itchy, confusing and stressful. Determine if you’re doing something to cause it. If you are, check yourself.

Talk about it, get it off your chest. Yell and scream if you want to give it that much energy or if you need closure.

Take a moment to appreciate the people that do “choose” you. These are the relationships to focus on. They add value to your life and hopefully, you to theirs.

Finally…Move the fu*k on. Your gut is not wrong. Get out now! This situation is not your situation! This door is not your door to walk through, you won’t be chosen here. It doesn’t feel warm and fuzzy. It doesn’t feel like home.

Choose the people that choose you and send light and love to the people that don’t. It doesn’t mean they’re bad people. They’re just not your people. Keep moving forward.