Today I cried. I cried for the misconceptions and expectations I had been holding, that came tumbling down.
I cried for the attachment to thought patterns I had been sheltering — thought patterns that make me perceive things, not as they are, but as I imagine them to be.
I cried as I felt disappointment making its lodging in my being.
The notion that we create our reality has never been more potent. It became quite obvious as I lay in my bed, tears streaming down my cheeks.
I thought that the replies I was receiving were creating pain in my heart — only to realise this wasn’t the case. The unconscious expectations I was harbouring and attachment to a certain outcome is what created pain.
In the midst of that awareness, a new approach — was birthed.
Some people have told me that I’m very secretive. The first time this was said about me, I totally rejected this view. Me!? Secretive!? Of course, I’m not.
As time went by, I reflected on it and wondered if there existed an ounce of truth in what they were seeing in me. What I was aware of then, was a tendency I have to share my deepest truths and world with a select few.
Maybe this is what leaves those who aren’t the “chosen ones” to perceive me as being secretive.
They sense that I’m not telling them everything. I choose my confidants with care — never really been the type to divulge my life to anyone who has an ear to hear. Not my style.
We are how we are. Before we can ever change, I think it’s important to recognize and embrace our tendencies.
Watching children playing is stirring new feelings of fondness within me. I’m currently juggling two jobs — one of them being a teacher’s assistant. I’ve never worked in a school before. The experience is instilling in me a whole bunch of impressions; however not all of them are positive.
What I’ve found fascinating, though, is observing children at play. My heart melts when I witness the older kids playing and supporting the first graders. They are so inclusive and helpful — not just because they are delegated with a first-grade student to attend to. I can tell the genuine care the grown up kids (10–12yrs) show their juniors, and it’s really heart-warming.
It also strengthens my standpoint of how play should really be the hallmark of children’s learning. I think some of them get bored easily, and play would be a great stimulation for them.