Flip Normal the Bird

Sometimes you must fly alone- flip normal the bird so to speak

The week that I asked my husband to leave I started to reinvent myself. I knew 3 days after telling him to leave that I made the right decision. A decision based on experience, pain, and much grief experienced over the course 7 years of marriage.

On August 1st, 2016 I moved into a new apartment, in a new neighborhood to start a new chapter with my family which at the time included my daughter, my ex, and our pet turtle. On the second day in our new home I took my husbands cell phone and went for a walk. Something compelled me to look at his text messages. Something I never did before. What I later read shocked the hell out of me. How had I managed to live with a stranger for so many months? How could the man I love change right before my eyes? Or, was it really me who had changed, whom had failed to see how the heightening of my critical consciousness was causing a major rift in my household? I ask these questions now not really caring to answer them, but rather, to lure you into my narrative account of the past 10 years of my life.

My life has been challenging to say the least. I do not have a mother or father to support me, although I know them and they are both still alive but just incapable of “being there for me” emotionally or physically. I have started this digital platform to strengthen my writing and the consistency in which I write. I have also decided to share my narrative because I want to disrupt the common place! I want to share my story because I am a young, hot, newly single Black woman and when I reached out to my university institution (I am a graduate student for the second time in 2 years) as well as other community resources for support I didn’t get any. I want to share my story because I think it can help other young woman who are sealing their marriage chapters with divorces. We can get over it! We can survive.

Finally, I refer to this experience as a chapter because it does not define me but it will contribute to who I grow to be and the ways of knowing I can accept moving forward. As I share information about the past decade of my life I will in some instances connect situations to scenarios that happened to me as a young adult and child to provide more context, but I do not want to use this platform to wallow in the past. I want to reflect critically in an effort to empower others going through divorce to do the same.

How did we get here?

Where do we want to go now?

Best and better,

Chany Cam- Flip Normal the Bird

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