In Case of Emergency: A primer on relinquishing your US citizenship

2014 marked a record year for people renouncing their US citizenship. Most people relinquish their US citizenship because they are rich and don’t want to pay taxes. Not just income taxes; pesky life-choice taxes, like alimony and child support, are also a factor. I don’t have these problems.

I will have a problem if Donald Trump is elected president. In case you have similar concerns about the potential for a Trump presidency, I’ve done the research on how to relinquish your US citizenship for you. You’re welcome.

You can click here for the official instructions, but I’ve summarized the process below…with a few anecdotal annotations.

1. You must formally renounce your citizenship in front of a diplomatic officer in another country. This can be done at an Embassy or Consulate.

This may seem pretty straight-forward, but I’ve had pretty straight-forward go to hell quickly at the US Consulate in Shanghai. As you may know, I gave birth to twin girls in Shanghai…no, they do not have dual citizenship. When they were two months old, I trudged my way to the Consulate to collect their US passports. While I was there, I actually had the foresight to inquire about their visas.

Aside: I’m not exactly known for my foresight when in comes to administrative details, so I was feeling quite pleased with myself…the husband even gave me a pat on the back for stepping out of character and up to the plate on this one.

See, we had a trip to Thailand planned for spring break, and I wanted to make sure they were free to move about. “No, they do not require a separate visa,” she said. “For the first year of life, the child is tied to the mother’s visa.” Great.

Not great. Long story short, we arrive at the airport one fine morning and they do not let us board the plane because the twins do not, in fact, have their own visas. 5 grand down the drain on that missed holiday.

2. You have to go in person. It cannot be done via USPS, through an agent or via blog post, tweet or Facebook rant. It cannot be done on US soil. So weird to me that a foreign Embassy in Washington D.C. is not considered US soil. Conversely, a US Embassy, in say, Libya is considered US soil.

3. Here’s a big one. You cannot continue to live (without a proper visa) here after you renounce. This seems a bit silly. First of all, how many people are living here illegally? How many people have over-stayed their visas? I’m sure the numbers are debatable, but it has been known to happen on occasion. If I decided to stay, it’d be just my luck (like my thwarted trip to Thailand) that I’d be the one busted without a visa.

But I wouldn’t want to stay. This is the point, folks. If Donald Trump is elected president, I don’t want to live here. I want to live as far away from here as possible.

4. Unless you have dual citizenship, or a sponsor country already lined up, you become stateless. A man, or in my case, woman, without a country.What does this mean? You now have no government protection. From what?Short of being held hostage, I can’t think of a reason why I would need help from my government. And, they don’t help our hostages anyway, so what difference does it make?

Hopefully we won’t have to resort to this measure, but just in case, there are a few other things you should know.

1. If you owe the IRS money, you are are still on the hook. And, I’m sure they will hunt you down and find you.

2. If you have committed any crimes, you are still on the hook…unless you become a naturalized citizen in Brazil. Rumor has it they don’t extradite anyone for previous crimes.

3. If you make more than 2 million dollars a year, you will have to pay a 30% exit tax. That’s just silly. Not the tax. The fact that some people make 2 million dollars a year is silly. And, they’re probably relinquishing their citizenship to avoid paying taxes. How much money do you people need?

4. There’s no going back. So, in 4 years or 8 years, or however long it takes for President Trump to be impeached, or, well I won’t say it because — karma — you don’t get to move back and start collecting your social security. You kissed that 1200 bucks a month good-bye the day you turned your back on the land of the free.

5. You can buy citizenship to some Caribbean countries for $250 grand.

6. It only takes two years to become a naturalized citizen of Singapore — and you can travel anywhere in the world, including the US, without a visa. Public schools are the best in the world, but it is one of the most expensive places in the world to live.

7. As the dude says in one of the articles I linked to earlier, and I paraphrase, no hijacker has ever said, OK, all the Lithuanians on board please hand over your passports.

Pretty easy. Of course I hope it doesn’t come down to this, but if it does, I’ll buy us a one way ticket to Thailand for Christmas 2016.