Wave after wave….


Tears! Mother fucking tears. I am having a silent battle with them this week. The sudden wave in your chest that warns you, a split second before your eyes get blurry!

It’s always unexpected.

It’s often at the least expected time.

It’s almost always in an embarrassing situation, like at a room full of colleagues at an annual meeting.

It’s is absolutely never fun.

…..and yet, it is so obviously needed…..that I can’t simply schedule it at allocated times!

Sigh.

Not always. But, I can sometimes connect the dots. Like a lovely initiative that created ‘welcome to my city’ colouring books for Syrian kids in Canada, that they presented at our meeting. No shit, I know why adult colouring books have become a fad and the mental health benefits that can accompany colouring. I’ve only spent some 200 plus days with children in detention trying to create mental escape with a handful of colouring pencils laden with an emotional charge stronger then a ten foot wall fence!! I hope one day those crayons that stabbed me in the gut will grip the same hands of refugee children with the freedom to be welcomed into a community with love! Where a colouring book may simply be given…..not smuggled in suitcases, across an ocean, and security wands, in a desperate fight against fear politics.

Other times, I wonder what is wrong with me. Where was the trigger? Have my neuron connections permanently changed! Am I suddenly an emotional old woman! Hold yourself together Jane!

When will the tears stop?! I’m ready to move on. I am ready to be me again.

Let me brace the world again….

WHO IS JANE?

An adventurous and compassionate soul, ground to a halt in my little home town, after three years of living on adrenaline; with one suitcase, a heck of a lot of airports, and a few too many doses of trauma in tow. There is the drive of survival mode, the excitement of new adventures, and then the aftermath…..that hits you while your learning whats involved in having a kitchen, a closet, and a semi-normal job again. Throw in the growing background chatter — the big pressured thirties where your life is apparently meant to be sorted! But hey — this is a just a refuelling siesta….. we all need to kick back and unravel in a hammock from time to time…!