Why The Word Pretentious Needs To Die Its Deserved Death
“Pretentious” is one of the most misused and catch-all words in pop culture and brings us nothing of value. It is often the wrong descriptor, and even when it could be, the harm it causes is not worth its use.
A 3-hour long, slow, and meditative black-and-white film; a restaurant with small amounts of food on big plates; the new exhibition at the modern art museum; an actor that uses uncommon vocabulary when discussing their work with pride; your friend who knows too much about wine; the café near your home that writes long, intricate taste descriptors of their beans; How pretentious.
These all describe things that are stereotypically associated with the word pretentious. A few examples are used so often in pop culture that you can close your eyes and see the same person as me when you imagine the barista in that imaginary café.
What is it supposed to mean?
The Merriam-Webster defines pretentious as:
“expressive of affected, unwarranted, or exaggerated importance, worth, or stature.”
This definition is not my favorite, but you can notice that “unwarranted, or exaggerated importance” perfectly illustrates how it is not just about our perception of someone or something, but is our perception of their own views. We should be spending more time thinking about the actual thing produced instead of reacting to what we imagine the creator feels about it.
I think another accurate definition is Collins’:
“If you say that someone or something is pretentious, you mean that they try to seem important or significant, but you do not think that they are.”
This captures how it is currently used by most. Someone does something we do not care about or give much importance to. This person cares too much about it and, lo and behold, “How pretentious”. What a way to dismiss and close ourselves off to something another human being cares about!
What a waste of time, instead of thinking about our experience, we react to someone else’s opinion (which we often construct in our minds).
Let me just dismiss this and get on with my life
Pretentious closes the discussion. We have an infinity of ways to describe ideas, events, and projects. Instead, we have one word that not only terminates any conversation about something but dismisses it altogether.
Someone could spend months or years of their life working on a project, and the most we can give them is pretentious? It is easier just to dismiss something that does not resonate with us immediately than to make an effort to open ourselves to it. If, at the slightest hint of something being inaccessible or necessitating more knowledge, we just close ourselves off, how many great experiences are we letting ourselves miss?
It would be naive to forget about ego when discussing pretentiousness. Knowledge, especially of less accessible topics, is seen as this great symbol of intellect and the upper class. When we encounter something we do not “get,” our ego can get bruised because we see it as caused by a personal lack. The thing is, the world is vast, and the amount of fields and interests also is, so a single human being can’t know everything.
Many topics, projects, and ideas can only be fully understood with prior knowledge. Thus, it is normal and expected that there will be things we cannot experience fully. Why, then, can we not simply accept that we are not always the target public and either move on with our lives or dig deeper into it?
So what if I use it?
The words we use matter, both to us who utter them and those who hear them.
On a personal level, using pretentious can make us start to link anything that caters to a smaller audience as something terrible, phony, or fake. We are thus robbing ourselves of so many potential hobbies or deeper experiences. After always calling X or Y type of movies pretentious because they are slow, you will start to not even give new films of that type a chance.
To be clear, I am not arguing that you should do things you do not enjoy. What I am trying to make us do is instead of dismissing art (in this instance), why can’t we use sentences like “This was not for me” or “I did not enjoy this”? Instead of declaring a thing as worthless or of much lesser worth than is perceived, why not just think about your experience with that thing?
But, but he was taking himself too seriously!
So what? Please, someone, explain why a person taking something seriously is terrible. I often hear that as this great reason why a thing or person can be called pretentious, and I always find it such a weak argument.
Why should I care if someone takes their work, passion project, hobby, or ideas seriously? Isn’t this something positive? I’d rather have the world be filled with people who are passionate and want to do something to the best of their abilities. I can guarantee that most people anyone idolizes or views highly are people like the ones I just described. But, just because we value what they create, any hint of them taking themselves seriously is valid and justified. Alternatively, if they take themselves seriously but we do not see value in what they create, BAM! Pretentious.
This word also encourages people to hide the effort or care they put into their work to display a laissez-faire and uncaring attitude instead. Some people are genuinely like that, but not everyone is. This insensitive and cool front people must use might rob us of genuine, profound discussions.
For example, Jeremy Strong was called by many as pretentious for his way of discussing acting in interviews. Not only was his vocabulary extensive and compelling, but he indirectly conveyed how seriously he takes his work (and some of his drastic methods). I am not an actor or interested in becoming one; thus, I did not understand or relate to some things he said. Does that mean he is pretentious for not catering to me and my lack of knowledge in his field?
By creating and sharing something, the creator knowingly or unknowingly acknowledges that what they created deserves to be shared. Why, then, do some creators feel compelled to downplay what they make or even are repulsed by the idea of discussing their work in more profound ways? Some creators are naturally like that, but many also fear acting in ways they use to qualify others as pretentious.
I sometimes wonder how many great things the world has missed because of the fear of pretension. I also wonder how many experiences I did not fully enjoy because I did not see their worth in the first few minutes.
Actually, we can’t kill a word.
My goal is to take this word out of my vocabulary. There are so many descriptors I can use to compliment (or, in this case, criticize) things or people. Descriptors that are A: more accurate and B: do not subconsciously hinder creativity. Instead, whenever my pretentious alarm will sound, I will try to see what makes me think that. I can dislike someone for being arrogant, elitist, or purposively exclusive. Still, I should not despise them for being passionate, knowledgeable, and confident.
We can find portions at a restaurant too small, the staff too cold, or the atmosphere too formal. What we should never do is criticize them for trying something. For trying to make something they are proud of, in hopes of others also seeing what they see. This is what the pretentious we so like to laugh at bring us: dreams, passion, creativity, and effort.
Then, instead, why not join them? The world does not need more cynicism and lack of care. As we cannot destroy a word, why not own it?
Let’s all be pretentious together.
