Face to Face: The Self

Introduction

Hello, Charles.

Hello inner voice in my head that disturbs me when I’m alone. What mildly interesting and unproductive topic would you want to talk about this time?

Actually, this time I would like to get to know you more. I’ve been living in your head for years but we never really got to know each other.

Well, that’s nice of you inner voice. I might just one day forgive you for freeloading in my skull.

Unintelligent advice is my rent. Anyway, let’s start.

Tell me about yourself.

Well, I currently study in De La Salle University on my second year. I’m a member of the Green Media Group, a media and productions organization in the school.

Oh, I have a memory of that to pup-up.

Nice. Anyway, I studied high school in Colegio San Agustin Makati where I made the greatest friends whom I know I would keep for life.

You mean these friends?

That’s them. And I have the most loving extended family anyone could think of.

OK, that’s all nice and great, but that’s not what I meant. How about what you see in your…

Future?

I have never really been the type of person to look into the future. I like to live life in the moment and take things a day at a time. Of course, I have dreams and aspirations, but they’re always open to change. I’d like to believe that life doesn’t have a goal. There is no American Dream with white picket fences, and a two-story home in the suburbs. Life’s like a never ending road full of twists and turns, and all we can do is make the most of the ride.

Like this?

Yeah, sort of. But if you’re looking for a concrete answer, I want to work in film as a screenwriter or director, maybe even both if the road runs smoothly. I might want a husband in the future but it’s not much of a priority, and I’m not sure if I want kids. I probably don’t.

You like to reflect a lot, don’ you (I do). Well, what about the…

Past?

I never really like to think of the past. I inevitably end up doing that though but I never like it. The past is filled with mistakes and guilt that I’d rather forget. It’s part of the reason why I like to live in the present. The past is painful and the future is non-existent.

But, I can tell you that it was not easy being the fat, gay kid. I’d get picked on almost constantly and friends were hard to find at best. Which is why my high school friends meant so much to me. They were the first people I had a real connection with outside my family.

Don’t be too hard on yourself. You were only chubby.

It didn’t feel like it back then. When you’re told that you’re fat everyday, you feel twice your size. So, I lost weight and vowed never allow myself to reach that size again.

Okay, but you’re a completely different person now. Who is the Charles I am talking to in the…

Present?

The Charles you know today is one who is still recovering, but recovering quite strongly from a not-so-great childhood. He is one who makes several mistakes, sometimes one after the other, but knows just how to put his life back together again once the mistakes pile up and his life falls apart because that’s what he had to do when life stacked against his favor.

Those friends that I told you about earlier and the family that loves me dearly, they mean just about the world to me because they make each moment on the road an easier and sometimes enjoyable experience.

This is likely one of the reasons why I want to become a screenwriter. My heroes are filled with students, realtors, and 70-year-old grocery baggers, and it is their stories I want to tell because they have made my story one worth writing about.

Wow, that was really insightful.

Yeah, thank you for that inner voice. You really know just what I need… most of the time.

That’s what I’m for. Well, if you need me, I’ll be in the recesses of your mind.

See you on my next inner dialogue.

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