X-Wing pt 4: The Yavin Slaughterhouse

Before my second tournament began talk in the group flowed around one topic. Yavin. A once a year tournament where X-wing veterans all across the UK and abroad gather together and dogfight for a two days straight. After the dust clouds settle a victor emerges only to be flown across the pond to face the seven other tournament winners from around the world to declare once and for all who the best pod racer is. When asked if I was going I said no. And here’s why…(backstory alert)

For about a decade between my mid teens to mid twenties my mental stability hasn’t been fantastic. In fact it’s been downright awful. If I throw out words like anxiety, depression and panic attacks most of you will understand my reluctance to venture out into the wilderness. Luckily those days are at least two years behind me and I can function like a normal human being (or at least act like one). If that were not the case I wouldn’t have even made it to Dark Sphere.

As the days dragged on the idea of going to Yavin wouldn’t go away. If the X-wing community hadn’t been a welcoming hive of pure awesome I wouldn’t have bothered. But as that wasn’t the case I bought a ticket, travel and accommodation. *Make it rain hand gesture*. Now that plans had been set in motion I had to decide what I was going to Yavin for. I couldn’t go with the intention of competing against the best the UK had to offer as that would end in a disappointing trip, didn’t need a magic 8 ball to tell me how that would pan out. So I decided I was going for fun. To that end I did what any sane, rational person would do. I built this list.

Omicron Group Pilot/Advanced Sensors/Anti-Pursuit Lasers

Omicron Group Pilot/Advanced Sensors/Anti-Pursuit Lasers

Omicron Group Pilot/Advanced Sensors

Omicron Group Pilot/Advanced Sensors

Meta? You’d meta moooove out the way!

That’s right, Space Cows are going to Yavin! With very little experience in piloting the lumbering beasts I was gonna give it my all in this grand tournament. The first day was seven rounds, 75mins each. Add in a couple of lunches and a few breaks between games I don’t need to tell you that is a very long time. Well lets see how I did shall we?

I liked spelling ‘cows’ with target locks at every opportunity. Because I’m a child.

Round 1 Loss 49–87. Triple Jumps

I’ve seen these fellas on YouTube enough to know how dangerous they are. Still managed to hold my own but I knew how the game was gonna go so I opted to take all three of them to half health rather than chase a kill.

Round 2 Loss 45–100. Fenn/Manaroo/Scyk

This young opponent proved his skill with an epic battle. Ioned one my cows off the field. He had Fenn and the Scyk with one hull point apiece but they were in a better position behind my last cow and took it out.

Round 3 Win 100–38. Fenn/Manaroo/Old Teroch

This list scares me with its damage potential. Fortunately I’ve 40 hit points to spare. Fenn went down to focus fire and bad green dice, Teroch not long after. Manaroo got wedged near the side of the board by a lost calf and couldn’t get out. In the end he had to risk a 3 bank which sent it off the board.

Round 4 Win 69–61. Kanan/Biggs/Thane

My opponent was the father of the kid who beat me in round 2. Bet he didn’t hear the end of it on the ride home. Managed to conga line Kanan and it came down to a war of attrition. Very close match.

Round 5 Loss 0–50. Brobots

Probably my worst match up. Brobots with engine upgrade are impossibly fast, couldn’t draw a bead on them as they ran circles around my herd. That being said he couldn’t get many shots in on the move and half the herd lived when the timer went. :)

Round 6 Loss 28–100. Kanan/Biggs/Shuttle

I took way too long killing Biggs and my word does the Ghost throw out the damage. Herd slaughtered with 20min to spare

Round 7 Loss 65–74. Deci/Ryad

Deci jousted the herd. Mistake. Cue the Benny Hill music as I chased that overgrown bull all over the board. Down to the last turn and I needed one of two remaining space cows to survive the final shot from Ryad to win on points. Didn’t go my way. Belter of a game regardless.

You came to the wrong field motherf***er!

2 wins 5 losses. Only two games where I lost all four of my space cows. Not enough to make it to round 2 but I wasn’t expecting to. On the Second day I participated in two side events. First side event went 1 win 2 losses and the second went 2 wins 1 loss, netting me a couple more alternate art cards. I had taken on meta lists and taken a few down with me. I think on the final leaderboards I was about 100 places up from the bottom which suits me just fine. To be honest it was worth it to see the looks on peoples faces. Why doesn’t that shuttle have Palpatine? Why are there 4 of them? Wait, What?

Overall Yavin had about 300–400 people, all super friendly and sticking to the ‘fly casual’ unwritten rule that makes the X-wing competitive scene a cut above the rest. It was very well organised for an event that big and before it was over I had decided without hesitation that I was coming back next year.

You ain’t seen the last of the Space Cows.

Stay tuned for part 5 as I start playing an archtype like a good boy.