Love and Marriage

I met Mark almost 10 years ago. I was newly single, having been in a long term relationship, and to be honest, I wasn’t looking for love. I was doing what gay men had done for centuries — looking for lust.

I was on an online hook up site(oh we can call it a dating site, but we know the truth). I saw a picture of a young man, with the most wonderful eyes. We chatted, and set up a time to meet. We did. To be honest, I didn’t know what kind of impression I made, but he called me again, and and we began to get to know each other.

As I got to know Mark, I saw in him a man who had been through all kinds of Hell. He didn’t really know love, or could even trust love. I, on the other hand, knew about love, and how to give it unconditionally. So for the first few years it was difficult. Trusting someone to love you isn’t easy, and when your trust has been abused, it is a long process.

We have survived those insecurities and more. I have stood by Mark through his seizures. I had never seen a seizure until he had one early one morning. Since then I have witnessed a few. The pain and agony the person goes through is something I would never want anyone to endure. Mark was worried his seizures would scare me off. They didn’t.

A few years ago I had a heart attack. Mark did not know how to fully respond to my being that ill. He was rattled, and at times I wondered if we would survive. He has grown so much since then. He is my caretaker, as he is on my all the time to make sure I take my medication. He talks to the doctor if he thinks I’ve missed something. He goes to every appointment. He has over come the fear.

What started as a simple hook up, has turned into love, and now we move to marriage. I look at Mark as we talk about our life, and I see a fire in him, as he is so excited about the life we are about to embark on. As we talk about our wedding, and the life we want to have, he is animated, confident and happy. In turn, I could not be happier to make our union one a formal and legal one. I love Mark so much, and I want to spent the rest of my life with him.

We aren’t two kids jumping into this. Ten years is still ten years, so we know to the good, the bad, and the OH MY GOD ugly. He now trusts the love I give, and I trust he is with me solidly and happily. This isn’t to say we don’t have our bumps in life. Of course we do. We aren’t simply planning a wedding, we are planning a marriage. There’s a difference.

I can’t wait until our wedding day.

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