Purgatory
06.10.10
The hot bath water felt soothing, engulfing my body. I was peaceful. Relaxed, and singing my little heart out. The water was a pretty pink colour, thank god for bath bombs. Such a simple thing had lightened up my day. I needed that bath. I forgot how good they felt. The Scientist played in the background; it reminded me of childhood. I was still very content. I was in love with this song. I can listen to this song for hours on end — these kind of songs speak to me in all sorts of ways. Its like these artists have been secretly videotaping my life and composed it down into the most beautiful music. So, I lay there. Taking a bath and left with nothing but these thoughts I had been trying to compress into the back of my brain for hours on end. The silent bathroom forced me to begin thinking, as I mentioned, this was something I had chosen not to do in the last several weeks. Thinking too hard, Coldplay made its way to my speakers and the man poured his sullen heart into my vulnerable ears.
“Come up to meet you, tell you I’m sorry.. you don’t know how lovely you are.
I had to find you, tell you I need you, oh lets go back to the start”
I felt the swelling in my throat. Choked up with thoughts racing endlessly from one side of my chaotic brain to the other. Once again, left with absolutely nothing to say, yet so much to think. A reason to lose control I tried so hard to keep was handed to me on a silver platter. A rush of inhaled air quickly exhaled with a following weep. I lay in the bath tub, pink water and scented bubbles surround me. Tears rolling, mixing with the water already spread on my face. It hurts. My insides sting with guilt, depression, sadness, and anger. I don’t think about me, just you, walking home alone with a smoke in one hand, and your palm empty on the other. That palm deserving of mine. Your life crumbles before your desperate eyes, wishing for something truly real to awaken inside of you one last time. You’ve got your antidote, but only in virtual images and painful memories. She just isn’t in sight. Reach out, as far as you possibly can, but her sweet smelling hair is all you can see from afar, blowing in the wind — unreachable, irreplaceable.New voices strum sweet melodies and your face is still present in my shaken head.
When your minds made up, there’s no point in trying to change it.
When your minds made up, there’s no point trying to stop it.
It fits you; undetermined whether it fits me. Like being stuck in purgatory, the gray area that drives me to absolute insanity, triggering every inevitable disaster waiting to happen. I need not to say more.. do I? If your heart is set on mine, baby let it be. We’re young and confused — at least I am. You’ve done a lot of growing — I’ve done a lot of procrastinating. The empty beat of yours aches for mine and I won’t give completely. We are the impossible.
