5 Ridiculous Things I Learned While Raising a Puppy

It’s amazing how many things change in your life when you get a pup. For starters, all those things you said you’d never do? Out the window…
I’m not going to talk in a baby voice…gone. I’m not going to post an inordinate amount of dog photos…done it. She’s not going to run the house…too late.
All of those things I’ve done, am doing, and will continue to do. I guess it’s sort of like being in love — you do all the things you said you’d never do because what you said just doesn’t matter anymore. Your love has changed everything.
That being said, there are also some really ridiculous parts of being a pet owner nobody ever talks about, so I figured, since I’m already sort of an over-sharer, I would make a list of the ridiculous things I’ve experienced raising a puppy.
Here it goes…

  1. I didn’t know I was going to spend the better part of my existence constantly worried I’m screwing her up, going to break her, or concerned I’m going to push her to love someone else more than me. Is this what it’s like being a parent? It would explain SO MUCH of my childhood. Jesus, how do you know you aren’t irretrievably breaking them???
  2. Nobody told me her main goal in life was going to be to get her tongue into my mouth at least once a day — yeah, I got a bit of a licker. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t blame her. After about day 2 this one’s on me, but damn, she’s sneaky.
  3. I didn’t know how often (once a week, at least) I’d be scraping dog crap off my shoes. And it’s not even hers all the time. It’s like owning a dog puts a magnet on all other dog crap in the vicinity. My shoes spend more time on the porch than they do inside my house.
  4. I had no idea how much it would teach me about my thoughts on gender — like, I felt the need to ask her (her being a dog) permission to change clothes in front of her. I’m just talking about your run of the mill, changing into pajamas kind of thing — I swear I had to put her in her crate the first time. (And what about going to the bathroom? You can’t just leave them somewhere when they’re little. They’ll destroy or pee on everything! So into the bathroom with you they must come…)
  5. That loving her would cause me to care so little. Little things used to bother me more. I didn’t like being licked on the face by dogs. Now I don’t care a bit. Dog hair on my clothes? Whatever. Life goes on. I used to worry a lot more that my oriental rug had never been peed on. Now? Screw it.

I guess what I’m saying is I get it now. I’m not sure I can even explain what I get, but if you own an animal or you’ve got a human life you’re responsible for, you know what I mean. It’s a different, more beautiful, world once there is an amazing being you are responsible for.

It reminds me that good love is good no matter the avenue in which it’s discovered. It’s like, I spent the better part of my life looking for a woman to love, and then comes along this cute little fur ball who steals my heart.
You get what you ask for, I guess. It just doesn’t always come in the package you expect. But then, once you’ve got it, the packaging just doesn’t seem to matter as much anymore…

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