Drafting a Rival QB to Your Fantasy Team is A Foolproof Tactic

Charlie
Charlie
Aug 24, 2017 · 4 min read
Dak Prescott

My NFL fanhood is kind of a tricky situation. I’m from the suburbs of Philly where everyone is a diehard Eagles fan, but I’m also the eldest son of a diehard Redskins fan from DC. My family and I moved from Atlanta to the suburbs of Philly when I was about 6 years old, and up to that point my dad had raised me as a Redskins fan. If we had moved anywhere other than the Philadelphia area, I would have had zero problem with being a displaced Skins fan for the rest of my life. But the problem with living in the Philadelphia area though, is that if you’re anything other than an Eagles fan (let alone a fan of another NFC East team), you’re an outcast.

I learned this lesson pretty quickly as a kid when my dad took me to a Redskins-Eagles game at the Linc. I was in the bathroom waiting in line to pee among a sea of hammered Eagles fans, and a full grown man told me to go fuck myself (at 8 years old) just because I was wearing a Redskins jersey. Say what you want about Eagles fans, but you gotta respect that unapologetic bluntness. From that point on, I became a closeted Redskins fan. Back then they were (and still kinda are) a very shitty team, and openly being a fan of them wasn’t worth being made fun of by everyone at school. As I got older though, I slowly assimilated with the Philadelphia culture, and became a partial Eagles fan. Currently my NFL fanhood is split 50/50 between two divisional rival teams, and that’s been a pretty interesting life experience to say the least.

Ideally it would’ve worked out that when one of these teams is good, the other is bad — making it a little easier to have a preferred team to root for at any given time. Unfortunately though, both the Redskins and Eagles have been consistently shitty to mediocre-at-best teams for the majority of my life, and lately a huge reason for their mediocrity is the Dallas Cowboys.

Of all the teams in the NFC East, the Cowboys are easily the most likely team to see long-term success. With Ezekiel Elliot, Dak Prescott and their dominating offensive line, they’ll probably be the favorite to win the division for at least the next 5 years. Now as an Eagles/Redskins fan, I hate the Cowboys with every fiber of my being. I’ve been tormented by their success against my teams for my entire life and now that things are really starting to look up for them, I have a feeling that the worst has yet to come.

I’m sick of watching Dak and Zeke do whatever the fuck they want against the Eagles/Redskins’ defenses every time I turn on the TV, so I made the only decision a logical man could make in this situation. I drafted Dak Prescott to my fantasy team and made him my starting quarterback.

It’s a foolproof plan. I know for a fact that Dak is gonna dominate against the Eagles and Redskins twice a year, and now when he dominates, I’ll at least be happy about it. Besides the fact that he’s a breakout star and should have a really good fantasy season, I chose him purely because I’m tired of frustratedly smashing my TV remote every time he plays.

When you think about it, it’s pretty surprising that more people don’t draft their team’s rival QB just for this reason. If you’re a Bears fan, draft Aaron Rodgers. If you’re a Dolphins fan, draft Tom Brady. It makes perfect sense. Everyone knows that when it comes to fantasy, there’s no such thing as team allegiance — you always draft the guys that are gonna help your fantasy team win. And if you’re already planning on drafting players that are gonna help your team win, there’s no harm in having the players you draft coincidentally be the same ones that routinely infuriate you every Sunday!

I still hate the Cowboys and every fucking player on their team with a passion — Dak Prescott included. But now when the Cowboys play the Eagles or Redskins, I’ll have something to look forward to other than hoping that Ezekiel Elliot tears both of his ACL’s in a career-ending injury. Oh uhh…or an Eagles/Redskins win. One of those would be nice too.

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Charlie

Charlie

writing for fun. https://twitter.com/charmalone_

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