This NBA Offseason is a Gift from the Basketball Gods

The NBA postseason officially ended just eight days ago and already this offseason is infinitely more entertaining than the playoffs. There was not a single playoff series as entertaining as what’s gone down in the past eight days, and it looks like it’s only gonna get better from here on out. Where do I even begin? We’ve got the Sixers and Celtics trading picks, Kevin Durant’s twitter meltdown, Paul George announcing that he wants to leave the Pacers so he can go back to his hometown LA, the Cavs firing their GM and LeBron getting pissy about it in a subtweet, and now as I’m writing this there are rumors swirling that Kristaps Porzingis may be on his way out of New York via a trade. All of this in just eight days. THANK YOU BASKETBALL GODS!

As a Sixers fan, this past weekend was hands down the most rewarding fan experience imaginable. This is what Hinkie died for. This is the Process coming to fruition! The second I saw the rumor tweets about us getting the number one pick from Boston, it was like I injected ten Viagra pills directly into my bloodstream. My Philly basketball boner was rock hard for the entirety of weekend starting with the rumor tweets, to Embiid and Saric posting pictures of Fultz’s locker at the practice facility, to the absurd amount of social media coverage of Fultz’s workout, to finally seeing it all actually happen on Monday afternoon. I’ve been trusting the process for a while now, and it feels so fucking good to see it finally pay off. Barring any future injuries (knock on wood), the Sixers have their core of young talent going forward and they should be a force to be reckoned with for the foreseeable future.

The Sixers had me riding high for the entire weekend, and I really didn’t think this offseason could get any better — until it did. I’ve made it very clear in the past that I have absolutely no respect for Kevin Durant and what he did to OKC. So when I saw him responding to his Twitter haters on Sunday night, I grabbed my popcorn and strapped in for a wild ride. And what a wild ride it was. It started off innocently enough. KD was responding to a couple tweets about Diana Taurasi, and then my personal hero, “@mynameis_kaylee” or “Westbrook MVP” as she’s known on Twitter, started taking shots at him. The following ensued.

Yep. That’s right. KD likes it when girls fart in his face. Now normally this kind of accusation would be laughed off as pure fiction, just a girl on Twitter trying to rile up KD’s feathers. But there’s something fishy with the way Durant responds to her tweets; the fact that he responded at all to this girl should raise some suspicious eyebrows. Think about it. If this wasn’t true, why would KD respond at all? Why wouldn’t he just brush it off as another crazy hater trying to get some attention? The only logical explanation is that Kevin Durant, 2017 NBA Finals MVP, likes to have his face farted on. That sentence alone is more entertaining than every one of the 2017 NBA postseason series combined.

Then of course we’ve got Paul George wanting to get the hell out of Indianapolis, and I don’t even think Pacers fans can blame him for that. I’ve got an aunt who lives in Indy and it is undeniably one of the most bland cities anyone could ever live in, let alone a professional basketball player originally from LA. I really hope PG-13 ends up back in LA solely so that someone in the Western Conference can get a little more competitive with Golden State. That and if he ends up there, the odds that the Lakers move out of the 2–5 pick range in the 2018 draft increase a lot, meaning that my Sixers will be able to hold on to the Lakers first round pick. Trust the mothafuckin Process baby!!!

Then the Cavs fired their GM, but let’s be honest, does anyone really think that anyone other than LeBron is running this team? Nah, probably not. Sure David Griffin assembled the original team that won the 2016 Finals, but I’m not convinced that he was anything more than a puppet who’s strings were pulled by Mr. LeBron Blames. The Cavs are reportedly looking to get Chauncey Billups to be their next GM, but they might as well just leave the position empty and have some idiot do whatever LeBron tells him to.

It’s still a little too early to comment on the Porzingis situation, but needless to say if the Knicks do decide to move him, it’ll only make this offseason that much more entertaining.

The entire NBA postseason fucking sucked, and as a basketball (and Sixers) fan, I couldn’t have asked for a better offseason thus far. I’ve got my fingers crossed that it only gets better from now until the start of the regular season.

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