37 Things I’ve Learned by 37

An unremarkable birthday, but the first I’ve felt compelled to share what I’ve learned.

  1. Good haircuts are all alike; every bad haircut is bad in its own way.
  2. You’ll meet plenty of arseholes in life, but you’ll never meet an arsehole who feels good about themselves.
  3. There is a moderately life enhancing magic in tidying up.
  4. But holding on to only things that “spark joy” is positively life changing.
  5. Good deeds (however small), cleanse the soul.
  6. “I really wish I didn’t go on that run.” — No-one Ever.
  7. Alcohol may be borrowing happiness from tomorrow; but sometimes it’s worth it.
  8. Complaining is bad for the soul; and worse for the face.
  9. It’s impossible to know what happens when we die, but it’s also objectively silly to believe anything with the same evidence for existing as the tooth fairy.
  10. That said, there’s a special place in hell for people who are jerks to wait staff.
  11. Karma is not some cosmic poetic justice, it’s mathematics.
  12. You can have too much of most things but you can never have too much peace of mind.
  13. It’s ironic that the people most enthusiastic about giving advice are usually the least qualified to do so.
  14. Rarely is it a good idea to tuck a t-shirt into shorts.
  15. Actually, it never is.
  16. Going to the movies on your own is an underrated joy.
  17. You might be the average of the five people you hang out with most, but everyone needs a friend or two with a bit of mongrel in them.
  18. It’s hard to define what makes a city great, but for me it’s hard to go past the overall “vibe.”
  19. I once ran a half marathon while wearing a pair of Skechers in public. I’m still not sure what the bigger achievement was.
  20. It should be illegal for men over twenty five to dye their hair unironically.
  21. The inventor of the open plan office probably meant well, but it was a bad idea.
  22. They’re an easy target, but most meetings are about as pointless as they sound.
  23. Productivity, of any kind, is bliss.
  24. The best professional sports uniform in history was the Netherlands 2008 Euro Cup Kit — truly sublime.
  25. Cricket is a better sport than baseball, for many reasons, but the main one is that you get to see the best players play for longer.
  26. But Major League might be a perfect film.
  27. I’m utterly perplexed why the San Diego Padres don’t revert to brown as their main color.
  28. It’s important to have a few sartorial missteps. It helps you figure out what suits you.
  29. Although I regret my beige cargo shorts phase in the early aughts. I looked like Laura Dern in Jurassic Park.
  30. The coolest named person I’ve ever met is called Floyd Rocker.
  31. Gatorade and coffee is more vile a pairing than toothpaste and orange juice.
  32. I’m not sure why “one hit wonders” are knocked. Most musicians have no hits and zero wonder.
  33. Being a parent is underrated. I feel sorry for people who don’t know what it’s like to love their own child.
  34. Certain names make you cooler if you’re already cool, and nerdier if you’re already a nerd. For example, Bernard or Ralph.
  35. Mullets are unfairly maligned. The hard to accept truth is, some people look better with them.
  36. It’s very easy to, but don’t ever confuse motion with progress.
  37. The best time to plant a tree was twenty years ago. The second best was nineteen years ago, the third best eighteen years ago; and so on. In fact, today, might be the shittiest day ever to plant a tree — but it’s still better than tomorrow.

Larrikin Sandgroper, @Fremantle_FC tragic, Global Strategy Consultant, failed clarinetist, banjo novice, doting dad.

Larrikin Sandgroper, @Fremantle_FC tragic, Global Strategy Consultant, failed clarinetist, banjo novice, doting dad.