Turning 30…

I turned 30 this year. Amidst the chaos of a Pandemic, turning 30 sure made me pause all the noise outside. When people known to me turned 30, I told myself that I have some time. I don’t remember why I assured that to myself or what I planned to do in the meantime. But somewhere my mind kept telling me it is big number, growing up. I always imagined myself to be “Mature”, “Handling all responsibilities” by the time I would be 30.

But on that particular day, when I turned 30, I turned to my Daughter who will be turning 2 in few months. And I know what I want to be or what I wish I want to be.

I DON’T WANT TO ABANDON THE CHILD INSIDE ME. This is what I said to myself on that very day.

1. Want to be as curious as her. And that does not mean I have to be curious about things that people are generally curious about. I can have my own pick. When we gave her a toy laptop to play with, we assumed she would be curious to explore all the keys and sounds. But instead she turned the laptop. The screws on the back, how to unscrew them, caught her attention.

Over the time, I started believing one important trait that distinguishes people who know about wide range of topics is their Curiosity to know. Nothing much. Once the curiosity grows, the ability to learn and the process of learning new things everyday never stops and one starts to enjoy it.

2. Laugh Hysterically. Yes, not all the times, we would find ourselves in that situation, but if you do, don’t pull back.

3. Apologize without ego, if you are wrong and maybe unlike the kids, mean it, when you do 😉

4. You don’t have to listen to the elders all the time. As much as I want my kid to listen to me, at this stage, sometimes I feel like she is doing what she feels right. On the other day, she did something which my mind is trained not to accept as normal. It was about preference of a food, which though, was a good choice, was not “normal” for me. It took me some time to realize maybe that’s what she wants that day. And It could be for any reason, but I should not force her or the worse “Advise her”, on what is “right”.

And I must take a stand like her with the elders in my family over few things that might cause a difference in opinion.

5. Push Yourself a little too much sometimes, for things that interests you. Sometimes, it might end up being your passion.

6. Pursue any ART. She scribbles on paper/board, paints, involves herself while we cook, dance, and what not. When a kid is interested in these many art forms, I think I should pursue full time at least one.

7. Love to EAT. Of course, as I grow, am trying hard to be aware of what I eat. But I also am licking the edge of my fingers once am done with my favorite dessert.

8. TRY new things. I started Writing this blog one day, saw a Lebanese movie another day, painted a few days, baked for the first time. And I don’t know how I fared in these things, but I just felt like I was talking to me, without using words, when I was going about these things. And maybe that is what is called “me time”, and I liked the feeling.

9. It is okay to be self-involved sometimes. I want her to see me as another Human being, who lives life as much as her. I am going to consciously remind myself, that achievements are individual’s and the resulting happiness is shared. And that everyone in the family is equally entitled to bring in the happiness at home, by doing what they are good at. I should not put burden entirely on her, her achievements, ups and lows to be the only factor that defines the family’s atmosphere.

10. FORGIVE yourself. That’s it. That’s all I got.

As much as I want my Kid to grow up, I don’t want her to shred all the innocence. I don’t want her to be ignorant. And being Woke, sure brings a baggage with it. But I wish I can give her a switch to turn on/off, “woke/child” mode.

AND I WISH THE SAME FOR ME.

An Introvert, finding ways to explore one's own mind.