Redefining Marriage: Is 10 the new 50?

“ i am mine. before i am anyone else’s.” -in

He traveled for work and eventually I resented raising four children, close in age, alone. Gone for weeks, sometimes months, our time together was hostile and riddled with fighting. These fights lead to the ugly truth that would become the downfall of my perfect life.

Month by month, my life began to unravel from the very seams it was built on. Nine years into our marriage, I suffered three miscarriages, one life threatening. Following emergency surgery, I did the indescribable at a time when I was drowning in grief and buried my son. A heartache so vastly profound I never thought I would emerge from the darkness that enveloped me in utter sadness.

Amidst my pain, I blamed myself and feeling utterly hopeless, I worried my other children would suffer. I worried incessantly they would never see a vibrant, happy mother again. My husband, at the time, never stuck around through that part. He never even showed up at the hospital during or post- surgery. He was no where to be found, while I crawled thru utter darkness alone and found my way back to the light. What did I do, but continue to be a devoted wife, honoring my vows to love my husband with every fiber of my being.

I stood silent for many years. Hiding behind my story and shame. The one where I had a perfect life, great children…