The Art of Charlotting
1: The Definition of Charlotting
CHARLOTTING: (v.) To do two extravagant things at once.
Like most slang and colloqualism, Charlotting was first used as a secret phrase among friends — but it began as a person before it was a phrase, although now it is an art form.
Charlotting is based on a person named Charlotte. She has blonde hair but that doesn’t matter. For a period of time, Charlotte was known to do two extravagant things at one time. EXAMPLES:
- Eating cake + combing hair
- Rollerskating + waving a flag
- Doing a death drop + breaking up with your boyfriend
(I am not sure if Charlotte did any of these combined actions. But these are examples of Charlotting. In the end, Charlotting has nothing to do with Charlotte anymore, but it is helpful to note the origin of the phrase.)
Other people started doing two extravagant things at one time, but (TBH) Charlotte was the best because she gave it a little oomph, a little sauce, a little je ne sais quoi.
NOTE: It is never “charlotte” or “charlotted.” It is always “Charlotting.” Why? “Charlotte” is a dessert. See below:
It is never “charlotted” because that sounds dumb. Here is a sample incorrect conversation:
A: Did you hear about Frank at the party last weekend? He drank a whole bottle of champagne while standing in the middle of the room sobbing.
B: Dude, he charlotted.
NO! That sounds weird and maybe gross. While Frank was definitely Charlotting (solo bottle of champagne + public crying), “charlotted” is wrong. A correct conversation would go:
A: OMG did you hear about Becky?
B: How the school janitor caught her in the school auditorium — after hours — while she belted “Bess, You Is My Woman Now” from Porgy and Bess?
A: Yeah dude, she was Charlotting.
CORRECT! Not only was Becky obviously Charlotting (breaking and entering + singing opera), this conversation also correctly used the word “Charlotting.”
2: The Practice of Charlotting
Charlotting has numerous health benefits. Anecdotal evidence suggests that Charlotting can help with:
- Low self-worth
- Getting more friends
- Being famous
But one needs to be ready for various side-effects such as:
- Death threats from Christian radicals
The following Q&A’s could help someone who is contemplating Charlotting:
Q: I’m just alone in my house. How do I practice Charlotting?
A: WHAT ARE THE TWO MOST FANTASTIC THINGS BY YOU RIGHT NOW? In my case, I’ve got a Porron and an old Grace Jones vinyl. I could play Grace Jones on vinyl while drinking out of a Porron. That’s totally Charlotting. Do you not have fun things near you? THEN START ACQUIRING THEM. It’s essential to have fun things to practice Charlotting.
Q: Do I have to be a certain age to practice Charlotting?
A: NO! You have to be a certain attitude. Toddlers are really good at Charlotting. They’ll drink a bottle of honey while emptying out every single spice jar in the kitchen. (A+ Charlotting.) Toddlers are usually the best Charlotting — as are post-graduate twenty-somethings — but everyone can benefit from Charlotting. It’s about gaining power over your surroundings.
NOTE: Charlotting is often practiced by women and queer people. Traditional straight men have a difficult time Charlotting because the practice is counterintuitive to the patriarchy. Charlotting cannot be controlled or commodified because it is (A.) wild, (B.) brief, and (C.) filled with self-love.
3: Charlotting versus Queening
QUEENING: (v.) To perform multiple extravagant actions at once for an audience.
Charlotting is a personal practice. Queening is a performative practice.
(Some people might disagree with all of this, but I made all of this up so I have final authority.)
Queening was inspired from Charlotting, but it has existed for a long time.
The performance group HOMO HOTDISH (R.I.P.) was based on Queening.
Here is a helpful chart to differentiate:
Queening has existed in various forms, but it has not been contextualized. Here are two prominent examples of Queening:
(1.) THE BUTTER DANCE.
(2.) ROKY ROULETTE
Charlotting & Queening are never nouns unless you change their definition. I like verbs.