1 Job Guaranteed To Be Filled By A Former “Hall-Monitor”

NO I still don’t have my hall pass…

The infamously ridiculous HOA.

I am yet to meet someone that just adores their HOA, with the only exception being that person is on the board. Now if this is you, or you were a “hall-monitor” in school, I apologize right now, I’d recommend that you stop reading here.

HOA’s what are they good for?

“In the United States, a homeowner association (HOA) is a corporation formed by a real estate developer for the purpose of marketing, managing, and selling of homes and lots in a residential subdivision.”

According to one HOA: “___________ Homeowner Association’s purpose is to provide the community with exceptional property management and maintenance services for convenient living in the most prestigious community”

Ok so in reality that sounds pretty good, they will take care of a bunch of stuff that most people don’t want to do, like landscaping, snow removal, sewage and water, etc. But, they do charge a hefty sum to take care of that, something like $400 a month per residence to do those basic things, which I might add, if you had to take care of those yourself it would be considerably less. No matter how much water you are using a month in a 3 bed 2 bath, its not coming anywhere close to $400 a month, and hate to break it to you, but snow removal is only really necessary for a few months of the year…

So hats off to you savvy business associates who founded the idea of an HOA, it’s a great arbitrage business.

All that being said, the fundamental problem here is nobody even likes HOAs. They impose ridiculous rules for the community that everyone doesn’t like, and it appears they do it just because they can. The people who lead these groups are ones who “care about their community” but they more so seem like power seekers, who reminisce of the good ‘ole days when they roamed the halls enforcing “no running”, “bathroom passes”, and their favorite, the “get back to class” command, which was weird because they weren’t in class? All this because they wanted a free lollipop at the end of the day. As such I deem the members of any HOA as the real world adult version of “hall monitors.”

HOA’s seem to copy paste basic boilerplate BS, classic legal jargon that most read and just don’t bother putting up with.

My biggest confusion is with their so-called “purpose”, which, if it truly is to provide a convenient place to live with exceptional service and whatever other buzz words they add to make themselves seem legitimate, why do all the decisions seem to benefit them as a board? All these things purposed to make the community better, like ridiculous parking rules, which they then pocket a joint venture commission with the towing and booting companies for enforcing, or “additional services” which then increase the monthly fees, all of which they take a lovely spread.

So why don’t they actually serve? Why don’t they listen to the community? Furthermore, if they really do care about the community why not have a simple way to offer suggestions or purpose reform. They are no better than all the large bureaucratic agencies that you have to cut through miles of red tape. It’s like a mini governmental political battle where “your opinion matters” to get them on the board but they don’t do what you ask or purpose.

Again, like a school government where the students are allowed to create the governing rules, just so long as they fit within the predefined set of rules that the administration set out for them.

I’m all for order, I love structure, I love congruency and a system that is effective, I literally look at structured databases everyday, trust me when I say I love structure and order, but seriously, HOA’s stop disguising yourselves as some charitable act when you are just making a killing for farming out some manual labor, and avoiding phone calls and emails.

Their statement should read: “___________ Homeowner Association’s purpose is to provide the community with exceptional but highly expensive property management and maintenance services that take a minimum of 3 months to fulfill, for somewhat seemingly convenient living in what should be the most prestigious community but we make living here sort of a nightmare for everyone so who knows… ”

Ok, ok that’s a little ridiculous, all of this is I know, trust me that’s why I wrote this… In all reality, just let me park my car where I want, it’s really ok, I promise no one will even be mad and it won’t even affect you because you don’t live here. Isn’t there a song that goes something like, “take your money and run?” That’s all I’m asking let me enjoy the freedom that comes from living in this country.

Real life adult world hall-monitors, please just leave us alone, running in the hall literally never hurt anyone, and quite frankly we all thought you’d get over that stage already…

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