Dear Humans / Humanoids,

I come bringing some thoughts of great wisdom to you and perhaps you and I can think about this together and come to a conclusion that helps all of us out in the long run.

It’s readily apparent that the human population is growing rather rapidly across the globe. Some countries are growing far more than others, but we are nonetheless growing at a rate that seems difficult to maintain in the long run. As such, there is greater need of innovation for more food for more people and more opportunities and bigger cities and civilizations and on and on.

Of course, it would be nearly impossible for every human to live in the same way that most of us fortunate Americans get to enjoy life, but many of these benefits need to be distributed throughout the world.

Now, I’m not going to solve world peace and world hunger in a simple post, it’d probably take a couple more hours to really get it dialed in and figured out. Rather, I have some suggestions for us humans to make the world just a bit better for each other.

Here’s the problem I run into, I don’t really like other humans. That’s meant to be taken generally, because I in fact really enjoy, like and love many specific individuals and they receive much if not all of my time and attention. It’s all of your other people out there that I don’t know and I don’t enjoy.


Well, you are the ones driving your cars around in the cities causing insane levels of traffic for no reason at 3pm on a Wednesday afternoon. Also, you’re the ones texting, reading, snapping and mapping and driving making it a dangerous place. Quite frankly, all these humans crowding up the city and the mountains and all the good restaurants when I’m hungry are the issue.

I like people individually when I get to know them and spend time with them, I just don’t care for them as a whole it seems. That being said, I’d like to figure out a way to like more people and actually care about them a bit more.

Here are my suggestions.

  1. Stop driving in the middle of the day when there isn’t supposed to be traffic, it’s sorta the one time I can maybe sorta count on to just be able to enjoy the open road through the city.
  2. Keep going to school and having real jobs that require you to be somewhere. It does me no good to be dropped out of school and running a business if every time I want to use the flexible schedule and nature of my work to go have some fun at a random time that it is somehow crowded.
  3. Let’s just make sure you’re really ready to have kids, don’t just pop them out for fun because they might look like you. I love kids, think everyone who really wants them and can dedicated resources and time especially to make them awesome should have one, but that doesn’t mean everyone should all the time…
  4. Please, can we stop spending so much time talking about all the different pronouns and feelings that we all have? I am the stereotypical white male conservative and I’ll get flack for even saying that. Whether or not it’s PC, who cares? Why don’t we all just focus on being good humans towards each other and realize that everyone is ignorant about something and stop making such a big fuss about it?
  5. For the love of all things holy, please stop tying any of your self worth to your instagram or social followings. We care about you as a friend, more like an acquaintance but being happy or sad based on interaction there is no bueno.

Now this has all partially been a joke, so don’t get your knickers in a bunch too bad, yet let’s be honest and real with ourselves here and just enjoy the opportunity to live in this day and age and just be a bit nicer to everyone. Furthermore, just realize that some people suck and are not so fun to be around and that’s just the nature of humanity.