Finding Desire

About 3 weeks ago I came down with what I thought was a standard cold. I hadn’t slept much, was working too much, and still trying to fit in all my favorite activities and social events. Needless to say, my body was more than a bit run down.

However, I had been running that way for months, just working as hard as I could finding and creating time to do anything and everything possible, and trying to bio-hack my way to remaining healthy. I never get sick, unless I eat something weird and get food poisoning for a day, but outside of that I haven’t been sick like I was for a LONG time.

I felt somewhat invincible and immune to sickness. I was clearly wrong. A few days went by and I wasn’t getting better. Finally went into a doctor who misdiagnosed me and gave me a prescription for a steroid to help break up the congestion in my lungs.

Another week goes by and things have all but gotten better, and I went into another doctor who ran a couple tests and did a chest x-ray to find out that I actually had pneumonia. The steroid I was given before to help, made it worse and inflamed it up more. Coughing didn’t really get better either. They gave me a shot and prescription to get better and things finally started turning for the better after another week.

Then after 1 more doctor visit and another prescription, yesterday was the first day in 3+ weeks that I have really felt normal and more or less healthy again.

Being sick sucks. But almost worse than being sick — (coughing, being tired, congestion, etc) — was the lack of desire to do anything. I didn’t really want to even watch a tv show or play a game on my phone, let alone sleep or do any work. I powered through it mostly but it was a hard realization for me to try and wrap my brain around this concept of desire.

I’ve never really experienced such a feeling of no desire in my life. I guess I’m a lucky person where I can really easily self-motivate to get whatever done needs to be done, especially when its something fun like being outside climbing or biking.

Work was extremely difficult for me and it just drained all my energy fast, to the point where I had to go take a nap and recover for a bit before I could continue on, it was rough.

Through it all, I found that finding and maintaining that desire is one of the most important things to hold onto as you pursue anything. If you don’t have the desire you can hopefully fake it long enough that it comes, but you have to find a way to rejuvenate and create the space and ability for you to have desire to do what needs to be done. It’s a critical piece to success.

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