But alas… I’m not marriagable…

One of my friends from college, now a doctor, posted a link on Facebook the other day that really made me chuckle… and made me want to slap this woman (the author) with a huge, hairy phallus…

Why women still need husbands…

SO… apparently I’ve been doing it all wrong. I’m not very marriageable. I should be concentrating on having babies and cooking banana pudding or whatever men find innately appealing. Silly me… I’ve been the bread winner in every relationship I’ve ever had and am now solely responsible for my two children. And, because of the nature of the argument, I must add that I excitedly and naively birthed both children into a seemingly stable, loving marriage. Seemingly… but, damn, looks and feelings can be so starkly deceiving.

Why in the world would this relatively intelligent woman make such sweeping generalizations regarding all women and all men? The divorce rate and the amount of single, working mothers in our country is overwhelmingly high. I promise almost 100% of marriages begin with love and hopes and dreams. I never intended to be 34 and divorced twice with two kids. That’s really not something anyone in their right mind would strive for, and honestly, its embarrassing to even say out loud. So go ahead, crucify me further, audacious, self-righteous Suzanne Venker. Tell me that love eludes the “modern woman” as long as she chooses to wear the pants and work outside of the home. Chooses? What in the world do you suggest?? Its not even realistic, in most circumstances, for only one parent to work outside of the home in two-parent families. Where does that leave the those of us who are single with kids and will be in this chapter of life for quite some time?

Those of us with absolutely no choice can either embrace the concept of the “modern woman” or our kids can starve. That’s about it. The fact that I am single has nothing to do with me being “marriageable” or not. It has to do with my husband being so high on drugs he couldn’t even remember his own name, etc. You get the point. While it takes two to succeed and fail in a marriage, Rene and I agree that he single-handedly destroyed our marriage without much help at all from me.

And as far as working toward being “marriageable”… What ideas would this ridiculous woman throw my way? Maybe if I hang out at the local grocery store next to the cucumbers with a bottle of wine, a lovely man will cruise by and give me his number. Oh, or maybe I could fake a flat tire on the side of the road and see who stops to rescue me. Or, hey, what if I keep changing my own damn tires and worry about feeding my kids. There’s an idea. What if we weren’t so obsessed with relationships and chasing romance? What if we concentrated on people as individuals? What if we seriously examined what we could offer introspectively instead of judging people for what they can or can’t do for us? I have been from one serious, long-term relationship to the next pretty much since I was 15 years old. I have been defined by someone else, or rather my relationship with someone else, for more than half of my life. I think its time to stop the serial relationship madness and breathe. I like who I am becoming outside of the box.

Hi. My name is Chassati. I have purple hair and am heavily tattooed. I love Jesus, good beer and really strong coffee. You are welcome to have an opinion on any of that, but I suggest you keep it to yourself unless you are paying my bills or sorting through the past five years with me. And do not generalize me. You will find that to be quite frustrating and discouraging. For every one thing you criticize about someone else, you can find three things to personally improve. If I don’t share my opinions on politics, religion or world peace, its not because I don’t have them. Its because I wish to avoid irritating, fruitless conversations. Odds are you aren’t going to change my mind and I won’t change yours, either. I don’t need someone to pat me on the head and tell me I’m pretty or smart or sexy or funny. I’m not perfect, but parts of me are awesome and I’m getting better every day. How’s that for unmarriageable?