So it goes…

Friday, a Mexican tried to take Rene’s food in jail and he punched him. Rene ended up in segregation until today at 2pm, when he apparently had court and was sentenced to 10 years in prison for his probation violations. No one was notified and I wasn’t aware of it until he told me, otherwise I would have gone to court to see what was said and done. Judge Strother means business. Rene said his probation officer met him in court and was crying and recommended the minimum 2 years as did the state, but Judge Strother gave him 10 years and said Strother expressed his desire to give him the maximum 20 years.

The only part of the above paragraph that I know to be true is that Rene appeared before Judge Ralph Strother at 2pm today and was sentenced to 10 years in prison.

The complete story I received is much more elaborate and colorful, but I’ve come to value only the facts, and then only facts I can confirm myself. Its a frustrating mindset for someone who feeds on figurative language and allegorical prose. I’ve started to read Slaughterhouse Five again to try to encourage my mind to relax and latch on to good old fashioned style and wordy brilliance. We shall see. If anyone can do it, Kurt can.

Rene requested to relinquish his parental rights a few months ago, and he was served those papers in jail last Wednesday. His reasoning, while high on meth and whatever else, was that he was surely ending up in prison for awhile when probation caught up with him and he didn’t want to owe back child support when he was released on parole. Naturally, he reasoned, that the best thing for him would be to give up rights to his kids, because when in the world would he ever be able to pay, much less provide health insurance, etc. Agreed. While Rene’s narcissism was getting the best of him, I actually thought it was a remarkable idea and the push to get him to terminate his parental rights has consumed my waking moments. Now that he is in jail and forced to be clean and sober, some of the old Rene is peeking through and he’s partially realized that he has effectively and efficiently pissed away a perfectly good wife, job, four kids and a home in less than a year.

I do feel for him. That has to be a terrible feeling, inevitably made more terrible by being in jail, staring straight down the barrel at 10 years in big boy prison. He’s found Jesus again. That is great if its genuine, however it isn’t enough to chance anything but a corporate working relationship with him, at the very best. A lot more Jesus never hurt anyone. He’s had over a thousand second chances and that’s enough. I wish him well. I hope he does come out of this horrible mess better than ever and his light shines brighter that it ever has before. I struggle with being a scorned wife/best friend versus a Christian and humane. I also struggle because I know 14-year-old Anaiah and 18-year-old Kannon will have so many questions and be eager to place blame and judge actions and reactions. You know we all could have done everything better than our parents, until we become parents… then maybe we could have done a few things different and who knows really. I’m trying to step carefully on Anaiah and Kannon’s behalf and account for curious minds of the future, but its all so uncertain and offers no solid ground to make definitive decisions.

So we take it day by day, question by question and conflict by conflict. There’s some crafting and drinking and fried burritos and gut-wrenching workouts at the gym added now and then for good measure. I’m just kidding…but kind of serious… While I may not win every battle, I’ve already won the war. I just have to remind myself of the incredible people I have in my life (if you’re reading this… that’s YOU) and the absolutely perfect blessings sleeping in their room as I type. I found a quote the other day that immediately reminded me of my children, and specifically Kannon because of his personality. Winnie the Poo once said, “As soon as I saw you, I knew an adventure was going to happen.” Our current situation will not dictate the nature of our adventure together. Onward and upward, friends and family. Thank you for blindly loving us, supporting us and praying for us on this heartbreaking, breathtaking, joyous journey we call life.