The Messaging Etiquette We All Want to Learn
As messaging is becoming our primary form of communication with the people we live or work with — or anyone really who we wish to keep in touch with — it’s increasingly common to have more serious, high-risk conversations through text messaging apps.
But texting etiquette, however important this activity is in your life, was not taught to you as a child: while you learnt how to look people in the eye IRL, how to say “please”, and be considerate with those physically present, the same cannot be said about sending stickers over WhatsApp... So how would you know how to do it right?
This piece in our series gathers tried and true tips on how to deal with harder conversations in messaging. We hope you find them useful and, as always, we’d love to hear more of your stories!
According to our research at Ixy, how to deal best with hard text conversations depends greatly on how the exchange started…
1) When it is accidental
Some difficult conversations take place by accident. You’re in a rush, responding to multiple channels in Slack or convos in Messenger, and you end up being more abrupt than intended. Suddenly, you find yourself in a pickle.
Your chat partner demands to know: How do you mean?
The good strategy in this case is to be truthful. Just say you’re not currently in the mindset to deal with this conversation with the attention it deserves. Tell your friend/parent/lover when will you get back to them. Say something kind that makes them feel valued — you do care about them, and you wouldn’t want to mess up the relationship in any way!
2) When it is on purpose
Many people we interviewed confessed to delegating hard convos to messaging intentionally — sometimes this is due to time constraints or distance (i.e. lack of time or presence), and sometimes it’s just a human way to choose the easy way out. Almost half of the people we asked said they’ve dealt with parental, co-founder or relationship issues this way!
While there’s nothing wrong with choosing a digital platform for a serious exchange as long as you’re respectful and honest, it’s always a good idea to give the other person a heads up: something important is coming!
If it doesn’t find them unprepared, you can expect a much better, mutually acceptable outcome.
3) The intentional feedback
Giving negative feedback is hard. The well-worn adage applies: praise publicly (Twitter, Facebook wall), but criticise privately (message, email).
Well, this didn’t make it easier, did it…?
Our research shows that feedback in the privacy of messaging is just as sensitive a business as it would be IRL. So be patient, fair and kind. Allow your chat partner to defend themselves. Use the platform to initiate a conversation as opposed to writing them a “review”.
This will ensure you don’t end up hurting your entire relationship with this person — and you must care about them a lot if you’re taking the time to give feedback. So make sure to express this caring…
4) The accidental offense
Let’s face it, in 2018 we often don’t know which remarks or jokes count as acceptable…. The rules are changing fast, and while we’re doing our best to be considerate and tolerant, some things we say will be still taken as offensive or insensitive.
This is not only a Reddit or Twitter issue, but something we will encounter in messaging as well. But how to handle it well?
Don’t be shy to get on the defensive side — if you feel your chat partner has been accidentally offended, explain your standpoint and stay in the situation until it has been fully clarified. That’s the only way to stop it from escalating later!
Signalling good intentions, kindness and appreciation toward the other person may seem redundant to you — “Doesn’t she know she’s important to me? I’ve know her all my life!” — but in our day and age, when relationships are so fragile, any reassurance will go a long way.
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Ixy is building a stress-free messaging platform for happier relationships.
We use AI to mediate and support more meaningful conversations on your phone.
Sign up to try soon at getixy.com.
Follow us on Twitter at @IxyHelps.
