Is “lol love u babe x” Enough? — How Better Messaging Can Make Your Relationship Better
You’ve heard many times how “communication is the pillar of lasting love”. And it’s true, you don’t need a Romeo and Juliet situation to know messaging with romantic partners can really be a make-or-break element in the relationship.
In order for us to feel valued, heard and cared for, we have different needs in terms of time spent messaging, frequency of responses, even the length of messages sent. Some of us may feel ignored or rejected when a reply arrives too late, or we become overwhelmed when a partner sends too many texts...
But relationships are not so much about general rules — rather patiently learning each other’s preferences as individuals. The same applies when it comes to daily messaging habits with your significant other.
At Ixy, we’ve looked into what simple steps can make a lot of positive differences in chatting with your partner, and found three successful strategies you too can try:
Kindness leads to more kindness
Instead of trying to analyse what your partner’s feelings are behind a text like “Did you get the pasta sauce?” or “running 10 minutes late”, just… try to be kind. As it can be so hard to determine mood and meaning in existing chat apps, the most likely thing to make your day’s outcome better will be an overall kindness which feels natural to you and which you can express by
- appreciating your partner has taken the time to message you
- signalling you are paying attention
- letting them know in a respectful way if you’re too busy to respond
Gently clearer
Of course, messages can be ambiguous, and we don’t always understand what our partner means. But once you have chosen a good faith based, kind attitude, asking for clarifications will feel caring and not demanding. Imagine the reassurance of receiving an “Is everything alright, baby?” when you’re running late, as opposed to an accusation.
While you’re still learning your partner’s personal communication preferences, just picturing yourself in their shoes — how they would feel to receive text A as opposed to text B — can be a very useful exercise.
“Presume the best about the other person”
We cannot emphasise it enough: the most beautiful way of showing our love and respect to another human being is often best achieved by simply making it clear we know they mean well.
So much pain can arise when we receive a text, consider two possible meanings, and then go and decide it’s the more negative one! The other person will feel it and our lack of trust will be a hurtful experience for them.
Somehow messaging apps make it so easy for words to be misunderstood, for innocent jokes to look offensive, for being busy or frustrated at work to seem personal to the other person — and this is all the more true when it comes to the people we love the most.
But signalling our good intentions, attention and patience — and a willingness to presume the best — are the simple steps needed for everyday harmony between the two of you.
Good luck!
x
Ixy is building a stress-free messaging platform for happier relationships.
We use AI to mediate and support more meaningful conversations on your phone.
Sign up to try soon at getixy.com.
Follow us on Twitter at @IxyHelps.
