Some sanctimonious twit of a scientist at the University of Portsmouth claims that dogs are utterly selfish and have no concern for their owners. Answer this then: why can they be so easily trained to provide care and guidance for the blind, deaf and other disabled, why will there always be a gentle paw placed on your knee if you’re feeling low — they always seem to know — and why will a dog sleep at the end of your bed facing the door when you are poorly? My own mother would attest to this kindly behaviour. Her beautiful Irish collie Princess was the kindest, sweetest, most caring dog.

This stupid scientist tested dogs in a cold, clinical, scientific environment. Of course they’re not going to behave the same way they would at home, so she really has no point of reference to her findings. She also assumes that dogs think like us, saying that when a person in one test faked a collapse from a heart attack, not one dog in the study ran to their aid. How would these animals interpret what is going on unless they are trained to recognise the signs of a collapse in their owner? I think this scientific study is more subjective than it claims. Result: inconclusive.