Day 90 of 100.
Normally, my writing process goes something like this.
Stare at the blank screen for a few seconds and type into the title whatever phrase pops up in my mind. Even if it doesn’t make sense I feel better writing knowing that I have some sort of endpoint, thesis, true North that is structuring my thoughts.
Today, I thought I’d try a little differently. I have a decision to make, which is to cut short my challenge just a few days early (5) and quit my drinking hiatus. I have an annual college reunion in upstate NY (this is year 4) and we will be doing a wine tour. The whole weekend is, in celebration of our shared affinity of drinking that we developed in such professional regard during our years at the State University of Albany.
I could think of no better way to end the challenge, than with a huge shebang surrounded by friends and an annual tradition I look all year to. Normally, I would feel entirely conflicted. I can’t give up on that 100 #, to cut it close SO close to the finish line should feel incomplete.
But to me, this challenge has changed my life, and all the ways that I perceive drinking and myself. I don’t think I will ever approach alcohol the same way, the same goes for relationships and anything that is “toxic” in my life.
I’m not conflicted by the exactly 100 mark because, to place fulfillment on a number is a bit silly to me (though I needed it entirely to get to where I am now). Where the emphasis and pride should lie, is in the progress I’ve made over the past 90 days, and the lasting impact that will have on me for the rest of my life.
90 days is fantastic. 95 days will be wonderful. 100 will be grand. But I am more tied to how different I feel and how much more actionable I’ve become since starting this experiment. It’s funny too, how originally this challenge really began because I wanted to fix myself, but mostly — gain followers for the site. Ha!
Not many new followers, but in terms of self fulfillment, and actionable changes? Hell yes. Why doesn’t anybody write about these things? It’s like the social media & Tv/media filter, why do people only focus on the successes but never focus on the grit and trouble it took to get to those points? Why is it so taboo for people to speak about unhappiness, laziness, lack of self control, and simply not knowing how to start, or what to do?
Is it so bad to be a vulnerable person? A person who struggles and gets lost and fails and cries but is a good person and is figuring out, and will figure out their way?
Society puts so much pressure on us to be a certain way. It does. We live in a society that it’s considered brave for a celebrity to come out and speak about post partum depression. That happens, quite often! It shouldn’t be brave, it should be standard for people to talk about their problems.
And it should be standard for people to help one another and listen and not judge.
I spoke to a friend who told me he was scared of telling his problems to his friends because he was afraid that they wouldn’t want to be his friend anymore. What?
I don’t know exactly what my purpose in life is, I don’t believe there is one single purpose — but I do know that it’s to help make the world, and the people around you a little better than how you met them. So let’s not be dicks to one another.
I think I’ll continue the writing and non drinking binge after the wine tour too, let me see what I will do..
