Due Diligence

Day 65 of 100.

There’s a blueprint for how people should typically run their lives. It’s all relative to your area, your parents, your cultural norms but it’s- «property, financial stability and partnership».

If you have those, you are set.

Then there’s the argument that you should NOT be confined by your surroundings, and instead, throw your sails to the wind, middle fingers in the air and do a somersault off a yacht in Croatia to some Eastern European techno.

Go and travel! Go and explore! Go and chase your dreams and create! Meet people and travel the world! Go and be!

This feels right. This feels like me. This feels like what I am meant to be doing in the world.

And on the return, now two years later, I recall the time I was 19, after dropping out of college and I sat in my room staring at my own hands. They didn’t seem like mine anymore. I feel that way again, nearly ten years later.

Once you’ve lived both, how do you combine the two, realistically? How does one plan and decide for a future when they’ve only ever thought of planning only the few days ahead. How does one settle when they’ve never even known their heart or soul to “quell”?

How does one move forward, taking steps in the right direction when all they’ve ever done is leap and land?

I’m constantly torn by more successful people and intelligent people, but mostly by confident people who know how to make things happen. You can see it in the way they walk, talk or even carry their phones. There’s something within them that tells them- This is exactly what I should be doing. I wonder, will I ever feel that way?

Until then, I have to remember- it’s a flip of the switch in perspective. I wonder, will I become so confident and successful that I’ll look back at these entries years from now and do my hardest to remember what today’s insecurities feel like?

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