Lists, lists lissssssss

Day 86 of 100

Goodness gracious, who knew the key to success was to keep a good, detailed TO DO LIST.

A thoughtful one, written in tiny strokes and minute details. Exactly what will that email be about? What items should go in that presentation? Which person do you need to get back to and when?

The lists not only set out a clear, concise picture but also, set up a tiny reward mechanism for yourself. Setting up a good list, allows you to proudly cross off elements that will give you a mini high (somewhat similar to the visualization of success I wrote about yesterday). Taking a bad well, that shit will bum you out.

I know this whole concept sounds childish and relatively straightforward, but people don’t take the time out to do it, well. At least people that I know.

I remember at my very first internship, the owner of our company — a prominent director told me to always carry a notepad and pen. Always.

What Ive found lately though, is the difference between a good day and a bad day, has been making a good list or not making one at all. Without structure, or knowing what to do- I Waste my day away doing a million tasks and getting nowhere. By the end of the day, I’m a mopey, moody Mui and wondering what the hell im doing in this world.

On a good day, I feel complete. I feel I should shut off my phone and go to bed, and not have that pestering feeling that I need to do more.

So is it lists? Or is it simply a good day? Is it simply that Ive kicked around the ball so many times that Ive finally got a little good at it? In the process of figuring out life, is that what happens? We simply whine and complain and try and figure this out until it molds into something we think we can actually make sense of?

I didn’t realize how much Ive changed since I started this writing challenge. For the past few days- Ive been at the office till 8,9,10pm simply working on my prototype. There used to be a time where I’d be clawing at the desk, waiting for 6pm, waiting to meet friends and go for drinks or do whatever.

I don’t feel that way anymore. At all. I don’t know what happened to the sense of FOMO anymore- it’s become quite the opposite. I’m not enthralled by going out or meeting with friends at night anymore — it feels like I’m a NO person now. Which, i wasn’t always- I was always down to hang, a YES woman, a people pleaser who is so social.

Even at the office, the original excitement of meeting other entrepreneurs has worn off, and I don’t want to talk to anyone. Ha I say this now, but I really talk so much to everyone.

It’s like I’m at an odds with myself! Like two versions- the fun, talkative version who always wants to play vs the goal oriented, let’s get this shit together person! Its as if this innate version of myself is finally coming out, battling the repression. This version has been more of a business oriented, taking my time to think, stop being self deprecating in normal conversation and simply, to be more confident.

I guess when we change, it’s not really who we want to be, but it’s a version or part of us that was always there but was repressed by something else- fear, drinking, friends?

Each day feels differently, and tomorrow I may not feel as motivated as today, or as happy and fulfilled as today, but I’m realizing it’s the plan that we have to put in motion for days like these.

Getting in the habit of making lists, and working on a project or parts of the things that I like would help me past that.

Moving on, I’m not sure if I will extend the 100 day writing- sometimes it feels as if I am taking time away from my magazine- but now that I think of it, i should just rearrange my schedule.

This whole time I’ve been thinking about how we build habits and change, and I think writing daily has been my keystone habit. It’s changed everything in my life, from how I think, to my work ethic, to how I spend my time and with who, even how I problem solve.

Writing daily. Such a small thing, and Its done so much for me. I finally feel like I have all the experience, knowledge and resources I need to build a successful company. Now, I’ll visualize this before I go to bed. Good night and be good!

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