Perceptions & Delusions

CM
CM
Jul 20, 2017 · 2 min read

Self Reflection and taking an unbiased look at oneself and situation

Day 80 of 100.

The way my mind works is cyclical.

It’s the spinning tire of a bicycle mounted upside down on a pedestal, it’s spokes blurring into a gray drum with the monotonous whirr whirr whirring as the owner pumps the pedals to test the brakes.

Mostly there’s no brakes. And my mind, once set in motion goes off in it’s never ending pattern. From afar I often think that about how this tire in motion looks like a solid gray mass — a circle in the shape of a shield. Sturdy, reliable, worthy.

In reality though, the bike wheel is a series of more complicated parts. An intravenous series of spokes and rubber held together by nothing more than some glue and pieces. The wheel won’t stop once it’s been set in motion, and any overthinking, meticulous researching or contemplative action will have to continue until it stops running. Most of the time — all this shit gets me right back to where I was in the beginning. I let too many options + factors involve themselves into my thinking.

We see ourselves differently from how the world sees us.

Where others see an exorbitant extrovert, really lies a timid introvert. Where others see a successful hustler, really may lie a struggling artist. Why do we feel so vulnerable when we let other people see a part of the seemingly negatives of ourselves? When we let people see the times the wheel isn’t spinning as fast? Should a human constantly be made to uphold that personal view for the world at all times? Can a human even do that?

How long can the spinning wheel go for before it stops?

And if it does, then maybe it’s ok. We just keep moving on.

We have to remember that we are living life for ourselves, and that it should be our goal to live our own best lives. Letting other people’s thoughts and influences on ourselves take away from ourselves. Any energy spent investing in someone, something else is energy you are taking away from yourself.

Be more selfish. It’ll get you to analyze yourself, the way you think you are, the way you really are, and how the world perceives you.

I’m not sure if they should all match or not, but analyzing all those might give ourselves some more clarity in our decisions in the future for ourselves.

Knowing that might be able to help me stop overthinking, and factoring in bullshit all the time.

So, be selfish with your time.

)
CM

Written by

CM

Writer. Traveler. Brooklyn, born and raised. A new article every day for 365 Days about starting a travel magazine.

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