The Creator Project

Day 77 of 100.

Who knew equilibrium would be the most difficult thing to replicate?

When I think of the word “equilibrium”, I think of 3rd grade science class, a makeshift classroom in the school’s auditorium where our teacher, a 60 something year old woman with a left shoulder lean would describe each and every ecosystem needing a perfect “equilibrium” to thrive.

So what is my equilibrium?

Sometimes I feel as if we (and by we, I really mean me but don’t want to sound self centered or be as raw with my emotions on the internet, but fuck it, we’re here) don’t seek equilibrium.

We see our lives in forward movements.

A linear trajectory constantly moving forward, forward, forward in one direction. Or like the linear graph to a typical storyline. An attempt to rectify an otherwise chaotic linear chart. The key word here, is linear.

You remember these bad boys from school?

Back to equilibrium.

Side note: Isn’t it amazing how our planet has created so much life within it’s extremely chaotic and seemingly random turfs, that it’s created some form of equilibrium for animals to thrive in the sea, and amoebas and germs and birds and trees and rock formations and geysers and mountains and sunsets and wind and hurricanes and dirt and rainbows and horses and humans and intestines and skin and onions and just fricken…everything.

So equilibrium doesn’t have to mean serene and peaceful.

It can be chaotic. It can seem random. But it has to be an environment that one can thrive and grow in. There has to be stimuli and catharsis and reactions and everything in between.

Equilibrium doesn’t have to mean linear, and it doesn’t have to mean right, according to anyone’s standards, but your own.

If this muddy environment is wrong for everything but an earthworm to grow, then so be it.

I’m realizing from this ramble — and no, I’m not high or anything, but passionate at the moment that I don’t know what is happening in my life right now. It doesn’t have to feel right for anyone else. I just have to figure out how to create equilibrium for myself right now, and what I’m truly realizing — is that there is no such thing as a perfect life.

There is no linear graph.

Our lives are more chaotic, and will have ups and downs (yes, it’s a cliche as fuck phrase, but I’ll let it be in my ramble right now). No one is perfectly happy all the time, and we just have to figure out how to make things work, but I do know — that if I (we) want to thrive we have to find an environment that allows us to achieve equilibrium.

New Goals —

A. Write daily in the Mornings. Start each day by waking up at 830AM the latest (I’ve been bad without structure), and sit and think. No phone. Nothing. Just leave my mind to W A N D E R and contemplate life for some time. Then start my day.

B. Write my daily post + my goals. STILL no emails.

C. Figure out a structure to getting people interested in WWW, and build up an email list. See if people would want an exclusive scoop into the first immersive site & simply as a test model, see if people would be interested in paying for a subscription. *I once read about people who pay monthly subscriptions or just pay to watch people EAT obscene amounts of food online. If there’s an audience for that, I guess there could be an audience for anything.

D. Stop being a lil biotch. I’ve been whiny for the past few weeks, I know. And if you’ve been along for the ride (WB), thank you for being here. I’m sure I’ll look back at these weeks years, hopefully only months from now and cringe but — hey, if we’re being honest, no one is perfect and I’m just trying to figure my shit out. Better here than pulling some poor stranger at a party to listen to my woes while I’m drunk (hah jk still sober as a duck).

D. Remember to be enthralled by the world. No apologies.

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