How to Open a Real New York Dive Bar
…more or less.
I love New York dive bars, because before I got to New York, I didn’t realise you could effectively open a bar with about a third of the things you actually need to open a bar.
It’s as if someone had been cleaning out their grandmother’s garage and had found some shitty mismatching bar-stools, a box of Christmas lights and half a bottle of tequila and then come to the not-at-all obvious conclusion that they should combine them all to open a barely functioning drinking establishment.
All that’s left then is to find some borderline homeless guy you can prop up at them end of the bar, tell everyone his name is Bill and that he used to be a roadie for the Stooges, and you’re halfway on your way to a legitimate bar.
Clean the place up a bit? Not a chance! In fact, take that broom you’ve inexplicably found, snap the brush end of it off and you’ve got yourself a pool cue! It’s also literally the best pool cue in the venue too.
Locks on the Toilets? Absolutely not, that would make WAY too much sense.
There’s actually an inverse correlation between the authenticity of a dive bar and the quality of its toilets. In short: The worse the toilets, the more legitimate the dive bar. If the small, cramped, stinking toilets are beginning to…
