The NBA Finals players are not as they seem

by Lena Potts

You have not been watching super-human, amazingly athletic men compete in a very exciting finals this past week and a half. Allow me to show you the truth.

  1. Andre Iguodala is actually Victor, one of the friendly gargoyles in The Hunchback of Notre Dame.

2. Cory Matthews has been masquerading as Klay Thompson this whole time.

3. In real life, Matthew Dellavedova is that guy in middle school you went on a date with to the mall and who you thought was soooooo cute.

4. Iman Shumpert is IRL the completely possible love child of Brandon T. Jackson (of Tropic Thunder “Booty Sweat” fame) and Gerald from Hey Arnold!

5. You remember your high school English teacher? The one who was young and kinda quirky and wore a lot of sweaters over button-downs? Now, during the springtime, he becomes David Lee!

6. Live-action Jafar, aka JR Smith, is less expressive, does not have pet bird.

7. Andrew Bogut is an actual bear.

8. Dreamworks made a very successful series of children’s movies about Timofey Mozgof’s other life.

9. And finally, idk if you knew, but Steve Kerr is a white walker.