Being offline at home was not my first choice.
We all know those moments when you change your flat and surprise yourself enjoying living as if you were still in the 1990's. Of course this wildness takes place only when you’re home because suddenly you also enjoy (a lot) finding free connection at your office, your friends’ and some well chosen coffee places. Maybe you even keep a nice memory of those Boheme weeks.
Personally I do. I also remember that the previous time I changed flat I was in bed before midnight (a 2a.m person like me, how crazy was that?!) and far less stressed and agitated than once the box finally arrived and quickly found its royal spot in my living room. Despite the tyranny I was monthly paying for, I did not first think about getting rid of the internet at home. The main reason was pretty obvious: I needed it. Or at least it was what my guts were saying.
Disconnecting
When I moved again 10 months ago, I first had no idea of which provider I was going for and I did not really worry about that because my main issue was “how will I turn this so tiny flat into a great cosy nest”. When my flat finally got a bed and all my stuff in I started checking the available providers in my area. I was happy to notice that nearly all the providers on the market could connect me. However I was very unhappy when filling the usual order form. Indeed I got stopped in my tracks when I discovered a pretty shocking clause: every new client was forced to buy his own new shiny internet box (for nothing less than 70€). There was absolutely no way for a subscriber to rent it or buy it second hand and so no way to resell it once you were leaving your provider; which meant that the little electronic device was already planned to go straight in the garbage. As someone who cares about sustainability and ecology it was a huge effort for me to accept such a thing. On the other hand I needed to have access to internet: it was my first flat alone in Berlin, I didn’t speak German well enough to ask anything else that bread and tea, my parents were living in France with my old dog who I love a lot (so I needed regular news), 2 fingers were far enough to count how many people I knew in Berlin and, on top of all of these reasons, I needed it because I had internet at home since I was a teenager and it totally shaped my life. Still I could hardly accept the idea of buying the stupid ready-to-go-to-the-garbage-before-being-produced box. In the same time I was really busy with my job and I soon realized that my daily routine actually gave me no time for some internet surfing. So I turn from being very annoyed to pretty happy: at least I was not wasting money into something I was not fully using.
Reconnecting… with people
During the Christmas period, I went back to France to visit my parents for 2 weeks. Proud parents of 2 geeky kids, they have a really good internet connection and after being reluctant to it for years they are now very hooked users of it. “I have to check my Facebook feed while the coffee is being made” and “I really have to check the weather before going for a walk with the dog” became the most natural habits of their daily life. As a lucky kid who got internet at home since she was 15 years old (so 3 years before the average french person) I never complained about it. Mostly because I was absolutely denial about my internet addiction and pointing theirs would have meant accepting mine. Few months ago the simple fact of linking “addiction” and “internet” in the same sentence would have made me yell. I was the “checking her emails when she have nothing more important to do” (which means “100 times a day, at least”) and “oh wait! this totally deserves a tweet!” kind of person. Being at my parents’, “addiction” free, was making me value being home in a different way: I was enjoying it and not just dealing with it. Suddenly when my parents were calling me I was there jumping from the seat with real enthusiasm (yes, even for the dishes but slower in this specific case) and no more saying “I check one little thing and I am here in a second” (you know this kind of second that lasts forever in real life and makes everything around totally nonexistent, especially the people who care about you). After a few day my parents took me apart and told me they were a bit worried “Are you sure you’re ok? You seem less distant and more caring about what’s going on here”. Well I admit I have never been a model child and it did not improve as an internet-bubble-worker adult. I soon realized that without the constant temptation of running away from my parents I was actually more focused and more willing about spending time with them and not just being on the sofa in their living room computer on the knees.
Reconnecting… with myself
Same thing applies in my place. When I am at home I am here for a reason. No lazy Saturday browsing the web for hours. No more awkward 2 a.m. moment when you realized that 5 hours ago you were looking for a recipe you’ll obviously not prepare tonight. Sure there are some moments I think “mmmmh I should check this on internet”. I quickly took the habit of having a list of what I want to check on the internet (a paper one!). Sometimes I really need the info so I grab my computer and go the café downstairs my building. I am lucky enough the place serves good tea and is opened until very late. Sometimes I just smile and think “Well today I’ll take the crazy risk of doing a mistake”. Believe it or not but not having internet at home finally increased my self-confidence a lot because at some point I am always forced to stop asking myself questions and trying to make things perfect but just to start doing it, to see the result of my attempts (pretty awkward in the beginning) and to find the answer by myself. Not having internet helped me to become my own judge, to stop seeking perfection and to celebrate successes and failures.
Reconnecting… with time and space
As I said before, by not having internet at home I am making a better use of my time by “doing” instead of “checking”. I spent a lot of time in my life telling people all the great things I wanted to do and all these wishes were always followed by the complain of not having enough time to. For sure now I am still missing time because I keep adding stuff and stuff I want to do on my list (yay!). However my frustrations went down because I am actually accomplishing something on a regular basis whenever it is tiny bits by tiny bits and sometimes totally wrong and not working (my grandmother always said: “Doing, undoing and redoing is still doing” now that I am offline I better understand her point).
Being offline at home also made me set a clear line between professional and personal life. Whenever my company is very respective of the concept of “home == not work” the temptation is sometimes pretty big to finish some top-priority tasks, answer mails, write a very important presentation, etc. I love my job and I am not sure I could resist opening Photoshop for some work related tasks when I am home. In this configuration I have no other choice than accepting that everything unfinished when I am leaving the office will be paused until I come back the day after. This contributes a lot to make my home moments healthier and to force me to focus on me at least few hours a day.
Being disconnected not only made me take fully conscience how important it is to feel well at home but also how vital it is to leave it to explore the world. I am the kind of person who is always losing her way. Having internet changed my life and also my ways. I quickly got the habit of checking my itineraries on GoogleMaps before leaving my place (my main excuse was: I want to optimize my route to avoid place with too many tourists/commuters/shopping addicts/people) and if I did not have the opportunity to do so I was soon taken by the fear of roving. It often happened to me to refuse to explore my surroundings just because of this fear, depriving me of the wonder of discovering my city and its citizens. By leaving my flat without anymore virtual safety nest I am enjoying my outdoor moments more fully because I have to put more attention to my surroundings and the people around me (sometimes I ever have to interact with them). Surprisingly I never roved but I often happily wander.
Reconnecting… with my feelings
I longer suffered of social phobia and preparing myself before leaving my safety net was a task I was providing a lot of care. Sometimes I was taking so much care of doing it well (read “perfectly”) that by the end I was not leaving my home at all. Being disconnected made me realize I was so obsessed by being prepared for life moments that I was actually just avoiding my whole life. Of course not having internet at home doesn’t solve all my issues but it changed the way I am interacting with my fears for sure. While they were manipulating me before, they are now just more challenges on my todo list that I am ready to strike.
When I tell people I don’t have internet at home they often ask me the same question: “Don’t you feel disconnected with the world?”. No I don’t. Actually I have never had felt so connected with every dimensions of my life. Like everyone else, my life is not a wonderful rainbow of happiness and sometimes I would like to make myself deaf and blind to it and hide away. However I chose to face it. Some days it hurts. Some days it makes me blessed. By turning off an internet connection I chose to turn on my connection with my life.
FAQ
Q: Do you have internet on your phone? (you do have a phone, right?!)
A: Yes and yes! My phone is an iPhone 1st generation with a prepaid card. It means that checking my emails costs me money, going on the net takes between forever and the infinity (remember: no 3G on the 1st gen, only Edge connection in the best moments), the apps panel is very reduced, most of them can’t connect to a reliable GPS connection (Maps keeps telling me I am nowhere to be found every time I am lost, I can’t blame it for that I actually often have the same feeling) and notifications are synonyms of unicorns.
Q: How do you watch TV shows, news and movies?
A: I have no TV and a very old computer (early 2008 macbook) so watching streaming or Youtube means that after 30sec my computer will hyperventilate so much it might start levitating if it doesn’t go into flames. But I am not cutting myself from pop culture: I rent movies and TV series instead of downloading or looking for streaming on weird russian websites. Lucky me in our modern ages DVD are available very shortly after the official screen release. I actually prefer this because whenever it is not free (but not that expensive, around 1€/disk) I can switch to German anytime. So not only I can enjoy movies like everyone else but also improve my language skills.
Q: Honestly don’t you have cravings sometimes?
A: I can’t really say. I live in a big city with internet connection in a lot of places and I work 8–10h a day with so much internet that I sometimes cut it to be quiet. Maybe one day I’ll wake up wild and run to the nearest provider shop but so far I really enjoy my offline life. Since I moved I started learning ukulele, have a daily routine of stretching and meditation every morning (or at least I keep trying to have it), go running 2–3 times a week, I also improved my german, draw and read more, took climbing lessons and feel more confident.
Q: Ok it works for you but personally if I don’t check immediately I forgot about it
A: Me too! This is why I started 2 things. First I made a list where I quickly write down the stuff I need to check next time I am on the web. Then I also started accepting the idea of forgetting stuff: if I forget it it might not be that important. Not checking immediately is actually really good for our brain because it trains our memory. So basically the more you check the more you’ll tend to forget things immediately.
Q: I would like to do the same but I clearly don’t feel like finishing my contract just for the fun of the experiment and I am not planning to change flat soon.
A: It is really easy. Follow the steps:
1- Go to your box
2- Turn it off
3- Forget about it
4- Enjoy your life
5- Try to reproduce the experience as many time as possible
(especially when friends are visiting you)
Q: Aren’t you sad sometimes to not enjoy some sluggish hours in the sofa wasting your time anymore?
A: I actually decided to have no sofa. Next time I’ll explain you why ;)
