Growing Up As A Kid Of Divorce.
First off, I wanna say that I know I’m not the only one who’s gone through this of course, and I know that everybody that has gone through this deals with it in their own way. This is just how it impacted my life and what I’ve learned along the way.
My parents got married when I was around 2 years old. I remember them being happy really any time I saw them together, I really didn’t even think of it when they separated for the first time when I was 5. I know most 5 year olds don’t really know what’s going on etc., but still I had no idea. I kinda thought of it as a vacation in a way. But now I know it wasn’t that at all, little did I know back then that it was the start of something that would change the way I look at the world and the person I become.
Before I get too far I just want to shed a little background on more of my childhood. My dad worked on the road for a panel company so whenever he would leave I would become the so-called “man of the house” as I was the only guy along with my mom and sister. I thought it was awesome, other than my dad being gone for a week or two here and there, I felt good to be “the man”. I was a pretty happy kid I would say aside from being bullied/tormented which is beside the point, I played sports all through elementary, had good friends etc., then came that fateful day when I was 9 and my parents called me into their room to pretty much tell me they didn’t love each other anymore.
So soon after that day, my mom moved in with her new boyfriend and my dad stayed at our house. I spent 5 days a week with my mom and went with my dad on the weekends. If I remember correctly my sister came for a while too, but not totally sure. Anyway, it was different. Just not having my dad around all the time. Don’t get me wrong for the first few years I loved my moms boyfriend and thought he was awesome, I do now too but I will get into that in a second. I do wanna say I am very glad that I still got to see my dad on the weekends and didn’t barely ever see him like in some cases of divorce.
So with my mom and her boyfriend(now husband), we lived in 3 different places. Like I said in the earlier paragraph, for the first few years I thought he (my moms boyfriend) was awesome, easy to eat along with/talk to, loved sports like me and treated my mom well which is always a plus. But as time went on into my teenage years my feelings toward him changed. I think mostly because it was hard for me not to have my dad around as much as I wanted him to be. I could talk about things with my dad that I couldn’t really anybody else and so I felt he understood me more than anyone else did. I tried hard to just be friendly and not let my emotions fly out of me but that did not last.
One night to put it plainly my emotions balled out of me and I believe I yelled at him “I hate you” and “it’s all your fault”, which I don’t exactly know what I meant by that second exclamation, I have a couple ideas but I’m not totally sure. Anyway, that night I called my dad crying and he pretty much kicked my mom and stepdad out of the house (we were living back in the house I grew up in) and that’s what came of that.
In my mind before that night I thought it would be awesome to live with my dad just him and me, it would be great but during that time my grandpa had gotten sick, and right around the time my mom and stepdad moved out, my grandpas condition got worse, so my dad moved in with him and my gram to help them out. So I ended up living with my sister and my nephew. It didn’t sit well with me at first but I was 17 and understood the circumstances.
Every day to this day I regret letting my emotions ball out of me that night, I regret growing a hate for my stepdad. Because I don’t think I actually hated him I just hated not having my dad around, and I mean I was a teenager but I can’t put the whole blame on that. From that night to this day, I’m still awkward around my stepdad, I’ve grown to be perfectly fine around him again, I think I’ve realized how much he has done not just for me but for my mom through the past 12 years. But every time I’m around him I still feel awkward, like my laughs I want to be real but don’t feel right, I just don’t really know how to act sometimes. In the back of my mind I still wonder if he thinks differently of me because of that night.
I know I haven’t really gotten to the total point of what I said I was gonna get to which is what I’ve learned and how it’s impacted if my life. But here it is.
What I have learned is that not every relationship is like the movies, but that doesn’t mean that you’re life isn’t gonna be good, it doesn’t mean you won’t be loved. Life takes crazy turns sometimes, are you gonna roll with it and take it slow(roll with life’s punches and learn from them) or try to be like Tony Stewart and take the turn too fast and crash(let all your emotions get the best of you and make things worse). Yes I’ve done the second one but that taught me to do the first and take it slow around the turn and learn from what life throws at me. It’s taught me to always look at all sides of things before I come to a conclusion. And honestly I think it helped make me a better man today.
So that’s what I’ve learned from growing up a kid of divorce. To those of you that read this far, I thank you.
P.S. To my stepdad and Mom, I’m sorry for letting my emotions get the best of me that night.
