College Bound. One hundred and Twenty-Two Pounds.

Currently, I am out on summer vacation — the job market isn’t in the cards for me I guess. I find my age challenging. Being nineteen in college, practically initiates anxiety attacks. From figuring out what I want to major in, to deleting negativity, and accidentally crashing my beautiful car, I’d like to say my first year of college has changed me for the better. All I can remember about high school is stress, stress, and more stress. College was a way of exploring what I will and will not continue. In order for things to change, certain patterns had to change. If I didn’t like something, you were going to know about it. If I didn’t take too kindly to what was being said, you were going to know about it. I’m the type of gal who acknowledges what I feel and voices how I feel. Although I’m vocal, I learned I can’t live for people to care about my feelings. Not everyone is destined for psychology. Cold cut truth: no one really cares. And will I force them to? Nope. Everyone isn’t going to like me and I’m okay with that. Before, I found myself defensive towards anyone spewing out falseness. I found myself defensive towards what people thought of me. At the time, I wanted people to see me how I saw myself. That was a challenge. Eventually, after trying to stay in the safe lane, I confused myself. And when I confused myself and started asking other people who I was, immediately I sought out good ol self discovery! I practiced and am still practicing self-love. Learning how to love one’s self is difficult. No, seriously. I didn’t know how to stop caring about what others said. I didn’t know if I could be okay with being single for the rest of my life (I’m too mature for the guys in my age group), and I didn’t know if I wanted to adopt new ways to explore what I enjoyed. Luckily, after practicing self-love, I’ve shown tremendous progress. Suddenly, being single in college, didn’t seem all that bad. Actually, I wasn’t in the mindset of wanting a long term relationship like I was before. I became open minded to the idea of getting to know a guy and dating…..if that ever comes into play. I wasn’t defensive when others talked— I kind of just accepted it. To be fair, I view people differently as well. How I view them may not be who they are, so it’s only right for them to have their opinions about me. I definitely went out more with friends in second semester versus first semester. I was having fun. And yes, I had setbacks. There where times where I questioned my growth. Thanks to my mentor and school counselor, they assured me I was stronger than I thought I was. I learned I’m stronger every time I make the effort in helping myself. So college, yeah people should definitely pursue to discover one’s self. It took two semesters of college to teach me what four years of high school couldn’t.