8 Things Klay Thompson Did After Scoring 60
Klay Thompson just scored 60 points against the Indiana Pacers and yes, it was fucking awesome. It was one of the most un-human shooting performances in years (21–33 fg, 8–14 3pt). We’ve heard shooters say that they felt like the basket was big as an ocean, but last night it seemed that the cylinder was as open as a galaxy for Klay Thompson. It’s possible that he forgot he was allowed to miss — which is as Klay Thompson as Klay Thompson can get.
Because the Warriors are so unfairly built, they blew out the Pacers 142–106, which made it almost impossible for Steve Kerr to keep Klay in the game for the 4th quarter. Thus, Klay “only” scored 60 points. Could he have gone for 80? According to Klay’s postgame press conference, yes — maybe.
Most importantly however, I want to know what Klay did after the game. What could he possibly have done to cope with his success? I know for sure that whatever he did is not like what any of us do normally, or would have done in that situation. So here are some possibilities:
1. Break out the Coors Light
If you haven’t seen the interview by now, all you need to know is that Klay is a boss. I don’t know if I’ve ever seen a person enjoy a sip of beer as much Klay enjoyed that one. So in the case of his 60 point outburst, he isn’t drinking just one Coors Light, especially when Draymond is his teammate.
Dray: “Klay, we are gonna get so lit tonight!”
Klay: “Heck yes we are!…We’re gonna drink the ones with the Cold Blue Mountains, right?”
Dray: “Of course, sweet prince, of course.”
CUT TO CLUB: Klay sits alone on the couch amidst the people dancing and partying. He holds his Coors Light and stares straight forward, stoically.
Draymond fake dances a few feet in front of Klay, surveying the situation.
A woman approaches their table as Klay takes another magnificent sip. Woman: “Excuse me — “
Draymond extends his leg, his foot stopping inches before her face.
Draymond: “Do not make me finish this kick. Do not interrupt this man.”
2. Negotiate how to get out of his Chinese shoe deal
It’s DOPE to have your own shoe. I don’t know this from experience, but I know it’s a fact. But Klay is so hot right now that he is worth so much more than those off-brand sneakers. He is ready for Adidas or Nike at this point.
3. Party with ZaZa
Few things sound as interesting as Klay Thompson and Zaza Pachulia tearing up the dance floor and if there was ever a time, it is now.
4. Toss and turn in bed thinking of his misses
On the podium after the game, Klay said “I remember the ones I miss more than the ones I make” which is respectable and shows how hard of a worker and professional he is. However, it is a a teency-weency itsy-bitsy crazy. I imagine him in bed, tossing and turning and whimpering to himself: “but the open threes. I never miss those. No! No! No!!!”
5. Watch the film of his misses in a dark room
He sits alone. Blue light shines on his face, flickering. Behind him the projector rolls film. He literally watches it on film. He prefers the analog canvas. He writes on a notepad but he doesn’t look down as he writes, he doesn’t need to. He can’t miss, really.
6. Watch the film with Steve Kerr — while smoking a fat doobie
Head Coach Steve Kerr has recently opened up about his support of marijuana as a substitute to pain medication. In the locker room, Kerr signals to Klay. He pinches his forefinger and thumb together and presses it to his mouth. Klay shoots finger guns back at him and winks. A couple hours later, they are laughing their ass off as they watch the highlights of the bench going wild during Klay’s several amazing shots. Kerr: “…and then, yo, look at Steph. Look at this fool. What is that?! LOL”
7. Sleep soundly like he does every night — with his eyes open
Is he a Westworld Host? Probably.
8. Write in his journal
I had a good game today. I made my team proud and it was really, really fun. Sheesh. If only you weren’t a journal and you had eyes, I wish you could have seen it. Steph (my splash brother;)) was doing funny things when I was making my shots. I scored a total of sixty points. That’s 22 more than dad. Sheesh. I made them from all over. Lay-ups, three pointers, free throws! I tried to tell them. They said I was going to lose shots. I said it to their faces: “I’m not sacrificing shit” (excuse my language). But they didn’t believe me. So yes, I’m glad I did what I did. I hope Dad raises my allowance now. If you ask me, I earned it, but sheesh, who knows with that guy. Anyways, like I said, I’m happy with what I did and I’m happy with the team. Thanks for listening!