Allow yourself to listen..
Everybody keeps saying, ‘You should have the courage to listen to your true self’. ‘All the answers lie inside you’ . And many such amazing truths.
Deep down we know what we are supposed to do and what we should be. It’s there, it has always been there. No matter how much chaos, stress, pain and heartache we go through, its there. But why can’t we just listen to ourselves. Why do we have to go and ask a friend or a family member if this is good for you or not?
Although I completely agree and support the idea of taking advise from the experienced and considering various views before making a decision. But ask yourself, do we ask for people’s opinion/advise to know what is the right thing to do or do we just do it to justify & validate our instinct. I have done the latter many times and its alright. Its human nature to feel accepted and always do the right thing. It gives us security that someone else also thinks like us.
This approach is alright as long as you know what you want as an end result.
But who would you seek when you can’t figure out whats happening inside you? Who would you seek then? And moreover, what would you ask? In times of emotional turmoil and pain because of heartache we don’t understand whats happening in our lives. These type of situations generally occur when one has gone through heartbreak or loss of someone special. We feel lost, hopeless and alone. Out of sync from ourselves and our life’s plan.
I also once felt the same. In fact, ‘once’ would be an intimidation. I have felt this way so many times. Every time pain re surfaces, comes hopelessness, fear and loneliness. I felt unaware of what to do next when the person around whom i weaved my life, the person whom i loved the most, the beautiful amazing soul with whom i wanted to spend the rest of my life had to leave, leave due to some unavoidable painful circumstances.
It was tormenting. The pain. The memories. The endless sobbing. Horrible. But one thing was true, even during the course of physical pain while crying my heart out, there was a voice who kept saying, ‘It’s alright, I know it hurts but its alright. I am not judging you, I never will, Its alright. Its nobody’s fault. You know this. Some things are inevitable no matter how much you try. This is the truth now. Try to understand please. Its under nobody’s control’. And within a nano second I snapped back, ‘No! it is not alright. I love him so much, I miss him so much. Why can’t he stay? Why did he leave? If he really loves me then why didn’t he stay?’. And the endless conversations went on until the tiny voice got tired and watched me sleep. As time passed, my cries decreased, the pain became a part of me, attaching itself to my body making me aware of its presence but calm enough for me to handle. This went on for a couple of months.
But over the period of few months our conversations got longer. Every time I cried, a voice emerged, a voice always full of love, full of care, full of faith and hope and always non judgmental, and most of all always aware of the truth.
‘You know what is right and what is not, i know it hurts but our plan is not God’s plan, and you know that this time it is his plan, you know where you are going, you know why all this is happening. All of this is just for you. To make you more of you. To help you grow and recognize some things which you won’t understand otherwise. This is a transitioning phase sweetheart and you can feel yourself growing and your heart expanding. I understand its the most unstable and hurtful thing you have gone through. But see where it has brought you. Look at yourself. You are so much more beautiful and stronger. Its alright. This pain will pass. Leaving behind this beautiful amazing wonderful woman you are starting to become. Smile now. Cry now. No matter what yo do. You know you are growing.’, kept saying that tiny voice.
This voice was the voice of my heart. Some call it their true self, some call it their inner wisdom, some call it something else. But for me it was the voice of my heart. The heart which has had the courage to love, the heart which accepted and gave selfless care, the heart which is capable of so much compassion, the heart which dealt with so much pain, the heart which went through so much trouble. It called on to me so many times but i refused to listen. The heart which always wanted to comfort me and to take care of me which kept calling on to me until I heard what it had to say. It is said that whatever we are seeking is also seeking us. It called for me as I sub-consciously kept calling for it.
And for this all I had to do was ALLOW myself to listen. The tears acted as a solvent, the pain became the perfect canvas and I allowed the color of the present moment, the truth, spill all over me and mix with the existing color of my soul and make a new shade of my own self. I know the process is difficult and the pattern of pain may reappear but now you know, there is always going to be somebody right inside of you to guide you through.
So for once listen to yourself.