
I’m leaving Facebook, and other ideas about how we can be better people online…
It was July 2007, and I was 20 years old. I left MySpace for the Facebook unknown. Back then, Facebook was primarily a Social Media tool for college-aged folks — having been started three years earlier on a college campus. Since then, the platform has literally changed how people of all ages interact with each other, all over the world.
Facebook has created a whole new language and fundamentally shifted how we interact with each other online and in the real world. It has allowed us to connect with old friends, and stay in touch with people in an increasingly global world. It has evolved into a news network, and also devolved into a chaotic world of misinformation. It has provided relief and comedy, but it has also spearheaded a social media culture of isolation, depression, and passive aggression. It has been both a platform for revolution and a mouth-piece for hate speech.
Personally, I grew up on Facebook. It saw me through my undergrad years, multiple “relationship statuses”, and late nights in grad school. It was the only thing that would load on a USB internet stick in rural El Salvador — keeping me connected to my family and friends and news in the US while I was abroad. It was the place I first shared my writing with the world, and it was the place that I reconciled a few damaged and lost friendships. Facebook was an exciting thing to be a part of, but lately it has troubled me.
The decision to leave Facebook was a thoughtful and personal one. My announcement to leave was followed by the strangest reaction — many people expressing a frustration and desire to do the same, but feeling as if they couldn’t. As I grappled with this response, that FB had something that we could not collectively live without, I wanted to share what I discovered.
Those sharing their frustration with FB, had many different reasons: security of personal information, undesirable and unavoidable content, disagreements and distress caused by “friend’s” posts, lack of self control/hours of passive scrolling, overall lack of interest in FB compared to other platforms. And, when I asked why they couldn’t leave, here are some of the reasons people shared:
- “I don’t know how else I will stay in touch with X person”
- “I am part of a Facebook group, and I don’t know how I will stay in touch with those people or group happenings”
- “I don’t know how”
If you are thinking of leaving, but feel “trapped” by any of the above, I can both relate and help.
I too am afraid that I will lose touch with some people, mostly the handful of those folks that are not subscribed to any other platform. When I think of these people, I wonder, how deep or healthy is my relationship with them if FB is the only thing holding us together? I was convicted by my own laziness and passive friendships. Facebook is not keeping us together, it is encouraging superficial and lazy relationships. When I was younger, we used to call each other to check in. Families sent out newsletters with updates from the year, and you were surprised when you ran into someone you hadn’t seen in awhile. I am not suggesting we return to a world without technology, but I am suggesting that maybe we have lost something that we should try to recover. Maybe we lost intentionality in our relationships — and maybe that is why so many people feel alone.
I too feel like I might miss cool/important things in my FB groups. I wonder if I will still be “in the know.” However, Facebook isn’t the only place for groups to congregate anymore. There are other amazing apps for hosting events, finding apartments, and selling used things — this really is the golden age for at your fingertips technology. On the other hand, maybe I need to de-clutter my life from notifications and events, and I am looking forward to the blank space that might be created in my schedule to be more intentional with my relationships and my time. Plus, there is always email, newsletters, other social platforms, and group texts to keep me in the loop if I so choose.
I too wondered how to quit FB. I was most concerned about my photos and back data. I always tried to back up my photos on the cloud, but I know there are times that I only shared to FB. It turns out, there is a very easy way to download all your photos. You can find out how here. Then you simple cancel your account, which can be done this way.
So…If you read this far, you will either miss me when I am gone, thus be in the category of friends that I only have on FB, or you might also be thinking about leaving. If you are only my friend on FB, or that is the primary way we communicate, lets do better. I love texting! I love emails! I love getting photos of your kids, and I really would love to just hear how you are doing good/bad and chat. So, lets do that. Let’s exchange emails or phone numbers before I jump off FB, and I know we will be more intentional about our relationship.
If you are thinking about leaving FB, or any social media platform, I encourage you to figure out what is holding you back, and then try to solve the issue without FB. I think you will feel liberated. There are so many benefits to technology and social media, but ultimately, we need to take care of ourselves and recognize when something is unhealthy for us.
Lastly, I’d like to share a few words rules of engagement for those who are staying on FB, and for those of us who actively or passively spend time scrolling through social media:
- Respect each other more . See and acknowledge other people’s viewpoints, experiences, and lives, especially when they are different from your own. We can do better at this by being thoughtful about what we share, how we share it, and remembering who we are sharing it with.
- Be the same person online and in-person. Do you have the guts to share in person what you share on social media? Do you use as much care with people and your words online as you do when someone is sitting in front of you? If not, there is probably something larger you need to grapple with personally, and a break from social media might be in order.
- Share and Scroll Responsibly. I honestly believe we live in the world we create. Social media is a real civic space where ideas are exchanged and relationships are built. It is basically the modern town square. You have a responsibility to participate in that community as your authentic self. If you wouldn’t throw garbage on the ground in your city, you shouldn’t throw it on someone’s Social Media feed.
- Take a timeout. If you feel triggered by something online or if you are spending all your downtime looking at other peoples lives, give yourself a break. A social media detox can help your perspective, your gratitude, and your attitude. Remember there is a whole world of people in arm’s reach, and that the very best of human experience is in community — in person.
- Be intentional. In general, do things on purpose. Think before you act, post, or comment. I assume that you mean what you say and you mean what you post. So, be thoughtful about you virtual actions. In a world of click-bait, news memes, fake friends, and instant gratification, be a person who builds genuine relationships, confronts others respectfully, and lives authentically.
To Facebook — thanks for the memories, the friendships, and the funny memes.
To everyone else — You can find me here, on Medium, on Instagram or LinkedIn.
