Extroverts: 10 ways you can be an ally to Introverts.

Knowing how your mind and body recharges is crucial for solid self-care practices.

If you aren’t an introvert yourself, chances are you know one. Or you live with one. Or you work with one.

As an extremely introverted person myself, the hardest thing I have to deal with are folks who just don’t get it. Here is a little guide for extroverts, to keep you from scaring away your introverted friends.

First — Introvert means shy, right?

Err…Nope.

The scale of introversion and extroversion isn’t about outgoing-ness, shyness, or willingness to try new things. Instead it is about how you recharge or where you get your energy from. In short:

Introverts recharge and gain energy by quiet time, frequently spent alone or with those they are closest with

Extroverts recharge and gain energy from being around others and socializing

Obviously the “boxes” of introversion and extroversion don’t hold everyone. They don’t even explain each person on every single day. Because of this, a lot of people tend to shy away from these “labels” — and I agree.

These labels shouldn’t be what you make all life decisions on, or how you justify staying inside “your box” all-the-time-no-matter-what but knowing how your mind and body recharges is crucial for solid self-care practices.

Perhaps it seems really foreign to you

Does the idea of recharging by sitting quietly at home after a day out with friends and family seem strange to you? That’s okay. Because the idea of going out after work with friends for drinks as a way to unwind seems just as foreign to me.

As an introvert, here are some things I tend towards, or things that seem easier for me:

• My favorite time to grocery shop is at 7am on Sundays, as I know I’m less likely to run in to people I’d have to talk to
• I enjoy self checkout at the store, because it’s one less human to interact with
• The idea of making concrete plans for next week, or next month, or Saturday stresses me out. I may really want to see you, but I also don’t know what else will be put on my plate between now and then
• Small talk (chit-chat) is incredibly exhausting, but I love to talk about things I am passionate about, in a one-on-one setting
• It is easier for me to convey my feelings in writing, because my brain gets time to process the thoughts and form my ideas
• I feel the most recharged after a long hike (alone) in the woods. Recharge time doesn’t necessarily have to happen at home.
• If I am going in to a new situation, I will research every aspect of the space, and the people I’ll be interacting with. If this information is lacking, I feel very nervous

Obviously, these are just some broad examples, but hopefully dipping your mind in to that space for just a minute helps you to understand your introverted peers a bit better.

Alright. You’ve found an Introvert in the wild. Now what?

All jokes aside, there are a lot of things you can do to help foster a relationship with an Introverted person.

Since the world is primarily designed with Extroversion in mind, Introverts typically find themselves trying to muster the energy to get through the number of interactions a regular day requires. As an extrovert — you can either ease this pain, or be a large contributor to it.

10 ways you can be an ally to Introverts:

• Limit surprises — realize that social situations are intimidating for an Introvert. Provide as many details as possible when plans are being made. Where are you going? Who will be there? How long will the event last? Introverts will never think you’re giving too much information.
• Know that we might say no. And that isn’t because we don’t want to see you, but it may just be because we’re really exhausted
• In meetings, or during decision making, give us a voice. Frequently it’s difficult to speak up during meetings, as Extroverts shine and take the stage here. Giving everyone a chance to speak their point, and recognizing when the Extroverts are stealing the show, can help everyone feel respected and included
• Be our buffer. If you enjoy getting out there in social situations, be that buffer for us, taking on more of the social activities or talking at an event or party
• Have an “escape plan” that you both agree on before a social outing — it’s a lot easier to feel comfortable when you know you are in control and have a way out
• Don’t mock us when we don’t want to come out, or when we’re intimidated or upset about a social situation. If we do get upset or worn down, don’t try to explain it away, rationalize the experience, or get angry about it. This is an emotion that needs (and deserves) to be felt. Give it space.
• If a crucial conversation is necessary, do it in a safe place — away from others. Also allow us time to process the discussion, before coming to our conclusion
• It’s okay to push, from time to time. Obviously, we don’t get to opt out of everything just by flashing our Introvert card. Is a social event really important to you? Let us know, so we can prioritize it
• You need to recharge too. If you recharge differently from those around you, make sure you also take care of your own needs
• Lastly — if you aren’t sure how to best handle a situation with us, just ask! We’d rather have the conversation, than let assumptions ruin the day

Thank you for being an ally

At times, being an introvert can feel like you’re operating on 80% oxygen. Thank you for being an ally, who wants to learn how to make some moments just a little bit easier.

~ hugs. (but from afar.) (in our own comfort zones.)