I’m experiencing grief.
I’m experiencing grief. I’m not sure exactly what stage I’m in, but here I am. It’s a weight, like a weighted blanket over my whole body. It’s a grey looming puffy cloud full of rain. It’s the incessant buzzing of electricity in the background somewhere. It’s the base note of a cello resonating in my core.
I keep recalling the day I found out the reason for this grief. I lost a friend. He’s gone, and I don’t know why. That question hangs, floating around my brain. Why? What happened? We don’t know. We might never know. All we know is… he’s severely missed.
He was a coworker and a friend. We shared our lives, our daily anecdotes, our casual thoughts as we got through the work day. We would ask about each other’s partners, families, interests, and passions. He not only spent every moment at the job or worrying about the job, but he also had his creative aspirations that he worked towards every single day. How did he do that? He was an incredible multi-tasking dedicated and passionate human. I can’t believe he’s gone.
I feel his absence painfully. I feel it everyday at work. Every time I have to mention it to one of my regulars. I will say after a full week, it is easier. But I’ve still cried every damn day. It’s hard to imagine there’ll be a day I won’t think about him.
