This whole thing messed me up, but especially this part.
The inevitability of pain mentioned here makes me think of a platitude I heard in various forms after my brother was killed. You know: “Grief is the price of love.” Which is a bullshit thing to say to someone who’s grieving, but also makes me wonder why, if that’s true, people bother to love one another at all. Or why we’re hardwired to desire intimacy and connection if intimacy and connection only ever end in agonizing loneliness.
Is life one big cosmic joke the universe is telling at our expense (sometimes forgetting to deliver the punchline)? I don’t know. I hope it isn’t. But thank you for writing this, Fiona.