The More I Want to Write, the Harder it Gets
I don’t really believe in writer’s block.
There’s always something to say, and if you’re creative enough, there’s always a way to say it, but something has been going on with me lately that has been making it harder and harder to write here on Medium:
Making it a goal to write every day.
The pressure I am putting on myself is somehow getting in the way of my persistence, and each day I come to the computer and it takes me hours to start writing something because I get distracted by other people’s writing, or the news, or the fucking television, and then half the day has gone by and I feel terrible for not writing anything.
It’s a terrible cycle.
I actually started this draft yesterday, but then my brain was able to grasp at something to write about, instead.
Now, I am having one of those days when I am reading everyone else’s posts and wondering where everyone gets the gumption to write every day, and well.
Why don’t I have that gift?
Is it even a gift, or is it just what I’ve always believed it is — grit and perseverance?
And do I even have those things?
Well, I have been writing every day, even if it is a silly post like this one where I write about how hard it is to write.
But that is part of the writer’s life:
Constantly doubting oneself.
Facing imposter syndrome.
Dealing with the resistance that keeps us from creating.
We have to write anyway, even when we feel like we have nothing to say, even when we don’t know what to say.
Now, I have even more writing to do.
In nine days I’m heading off for a two-week vacation, and I feel like it would behoove me to write at least two posts a day for Medium while I’m still here so that I have things to post on the busy days that I am gone.
Then, when I come back, I have to start looking in earnest for a job, which will pull me even further from writing, or so I think now.
I have to double down on my production at a time when I’m feeling so blocked, and it just kind of figures, doesn’t it, that things happen like this?
The more I want to write, the harder it gets.
So, I end up with a post like this, writing about how hard it is to write, when it really isn’t hard at all.
It’s just thoughts coming out of my head through my fingers onto the page.
That’s it, that’s all.
Just like Neil Gaiman said:
This is how you do it: you sit down at the keyboard and you put one word after another until its done. It’s that easy, and that hard.