there was a time before you
when I was keenly aware
of the space I was taking
on this Earth

when I ran my hands
reluctantly
over my own body
not wanting to feel it
not wanting to see

then one afternoon
you unwrapped me
and made me feel
like I was a gift for you
and only you

after that
my body took up
less space in my mind
and in the whole world

I closed my mouth and
opened my heart to you
and now I can’t eat
because I’m afraid
of how I’ll heal my heart

if I can
if i even really want…