Painfully Incredible — “Call Me by Your Name” Movie Review

I was speechless after watching this film. I could feel tears lingering around my eyes but I did not feel like crying. I just wanted to feel the feelings that had been gradually compiled. Pain. Love. Youth. All of the things I’d been taken to experience again through this film.

The film is tricky. The characters, lines, and the scenes. It seems like the audience can’t really know what is on the character’s mind, and yet can feel the emotions emerging.

Many times, I was puzzled by the plots, honestly. I didn’t know why he did that and why he said such things. But in real life, who would know why others’ thoughts? The characters are just so mysterious and yet so close. They are so round that I feel like I can imagine their reaction to my daily situation. They are like the ordinary people I meet in my ordinary life with their extraordinary stories.

Ellio’s struggle was presented in a excruciating way. I could not even stare at his eyes when he was in the grip of his feelings. Deep inside his eyes, what I see is the younger version of me. I see myself in the clearest reflection in his eyes. I feel the delima I once stuck in. I feel the childish anger and sadness I once so passionately had and mistook as a bad thing. What I did not know then but know now, is that whether it’s good or bad, pain or joy, it’s an inevitable part of being in love.

I did not cry. I think it’s because my eyes were already dried. When I was broken like Ellio a little time ago, I felt the tear rolling down my cheeks just like him. For the first time in my life, I realized heart could really be broken, not figuratively, but literally.

This film took me to go through my youth all over again. The period of time in my life when I was innocent and pure and naive, which I can’t never ever again be.

“ We rip out so much of ourselves to be cured of things faster than we should that we go bankrupt by the age of thirty and have less to offer each time we start with someone new. But to feel nothing so as not to feel anything — what a waste!”

This time, after this film, I resolve not to cure myself in the quick way. I want to be immersed in the pain so as to keep my ability to give.

I’m not going to waste it anymore.

Photo from the film
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