The usual definition of forgiveness is the same as saying, “I value people even when they treat me terribly,” which of course is no way to value yourself. “Everyone has a good side” is the other thing I often hear. Well, yeah, maybe so, but they need to actively and consistently show it to me in order to earn my forgiveness. If they don’t want to make the effort, then it’s not in my interest to put in more effort than they are, which is commonly called “taking the high road.” If you think the “high road” is valuable, you’ll just keep putting yourself in situations with “low-road” people so you can feel better about yourself. False forgiveness contains a bit of narcissism, which is really the opposite of self-care.