I’m Sorry

You have no idea how much you meant to me. You were able to love me even when i wasn’t able to love myself. And i guess that’s what makes this so hard. Now that you’re gone, I am left alone with myself. No amount of casual hookups will ever compare to waking up next to you in the mornings. It was in those moments, when i held you, just for a second, that everything that i hated about myself vanished. Unfortunately, I never told enough how much you meant to me. I just didn't know how to love you. I tried. I guess i did at least. But who am i kidding. I didn’t even love myself. I hated that someone was able to make streams of tears roll from my eyes. I hated that someone could see the insecure, selfish person that I was. But what i hated the most was that in spite of everything, you still found a way to love me. There were so many times that i wondered what was wrong with you. Instead of appreciating the amazing and selfless person you were, i just put my walls up higher. I cant blame you for leaving. I can’t imagine how much strength it took to finally put yourself first for a change. Even though i feel like a part of me will never be the same, i really do hope you find the happiness you deserve. I hope the person you meet can erase all the tears i made you cry. I hope that when he sees you, that he sees you for the masterpiece that you are. I hope that you laugh like you don’t have a care in the world. And most of all, I hope that person knows that you are truly amazing. I guess that’s the hardest part of loving someone. Wishing them all the happiness in the world even if that means they find that happiness with someone else. Letting you go may be the first kind thing Ive done for you. Now i need to just love myself and hope maybe our paths cross again one day.