Like anyone, there are some relationships of mine that ended terribly due to disagreements/falling out. Even if things are really awkward between us or I never speak to that particular person anymore, I could whole-heartedly say that I’ve never once wish that we’ve never crossed path.
If I had to meet them all over again and play out the same story albeit knowing what I know now, I would still have went through with it without any regrets. This is because I’ve always been a firm believer that we all meet the person we meet for a particular reason, and that these connections are just meant to be in our lives despite how convoluted our paths could get in the midst of it all.
In-Yun
“There is a word in Korean. In-Yun. It means “providence” or “fate”. But it’s specifically about relationships between people. I think it comes from Buddhism and reincarnation. It’s an In-Yun if two strangers even walk by each other in the street and their clothes accidentally brush. Because it means there must have been something between them in their past lives.” — Nora, Past Lives
I first came across this Korean term “In-Yun” through the movie “Past Lives”, but I’m pretty sure it’s the exact same thing as the Chinese term I’ve heard every since I was a little girl: 緣分 (Yuan Fen).
They both essentially stemmed from a Buddhist concept, in which fate will bring people destined to meet each in one way or another. It doesn’t really matter what these people get up to, they’ll somehow cross paths when the time is right. (This concept is now popularised as the “Red String Theory” in mainstream culture).
Upon watching the movie Past Lives (and bawling my eyes out every single time I rewatch it), I realised how miniscule a chance it is for people to even bump shoulders with a stranger on the street, much less forming a proper connection and relationship with them.
In the film, Hae Sung bumps shoulder with a stranger as he tries to navigate the bustling street of China. This interaction might seem like nothing, but it really got me thinking about the odds of that even happening. I just checked and the current world population is now at 8 billion.
First of all, theoretically that’s 1 in 8000000000 chance that you and that person could’ve even have met one another in this vast stretch of space and time continuum we all inhabit. Add the fact that you’re both currently occupying the same time and that not either one of you is in a different BC, century, decade, year etc. The fact that the both of you are in the same continent, country, town/province, street to even bump shoulders is also pretty impressive.
The fact that the two people are in the exact same time and space, down to the last second and geocoordinates is nothing short of a miracle in itself.
The odds are already unbelievable for the casual passing by of strangers, so imagine how slim the odds are that two people are able to take this meeting further by slowly establishing a connection with one another?
What are the odds that we both are able to bond over the fact that we love listening to soft, sentimental songs? What are the odds that we both enjoy one another’s company? What are the odds that out of 8 billion other people out there, we fell in love with one another? (What are the odds, also, of us falling out of love just as quickly?)
Heck, what are the odds that out of the billions of Medium articles out there that you could’ve read, you stumbled across mine and is now reading this current line? To me, this is all In-Yun/緣分. We have In-Yun! :)
I have In-Yun with whoever I’ve encountered in this lifetime, no matter how miniscule our interactions might seem to me.
It’s a privilege to have went to my specific primary school/high school/university and to have established so many connections, many of which are lifelong friendships. It’s a privilege to be working at the office with the group of coworkers that I work with, I’m grateful they make work life interesting.
It’s a privilege to be born into my big and loving family, I’m grateful for my In-Yun with my parents and my brother. It’s a privilege to have had In-Yun with my previous romantic partners, and I’m grateful to be able to say I have been loved and have loved whole-heartedly.
It’s a privilege to be able to write this all out for you, who is currently reading this post. I’m grateful for our In-Yun, your time and attention thus far.
It sucks that some of these In-Yun don’t last long, and there are a lot of people I hate to admit that still cross my mind every now and again, and that I can’t help but feel a deep sense of loss and nostalgia for.
I realised now that the chances of losing someone is just the same as the chances of meeting someone, and that the chances of falling out of love with someone is also the exact same as the chances of falling in love with someone.
Everything in this universe is balanced, yin and yang.
It still counts as In-Yun because In-Yun doesn’t just account for how people are brought together, it could also signify how people unravel and drift apart. The whole connection and the miracle of it even happening isn’t invalidated/negated just because you and that person have now fallen apart. It could just mean that your In-Yun with someone else is stronger and you’re slowly on your path to finding them now.
Whatever the case is, I hope you still choose to be grateful for the In-Yun between you adn those who you’ve lost, and to hold on tight and show appreciation to the hundreds and thousands of existing connections you have with others around you.
Look around, they’re everywhere.
