Do you ACTUALLY want it, or do you want others to see you having it?
“The things we can’t have often become the things we obsess over.” — Unknown
I’ll be the first to admit that I’m an envious person, and that’s the biggest reason why I constantly need to go on long periods of either deactivating or uninstalling Instagram every now and again, much to the perplexed reactions from my friends.
“Why?”
“Not gonna lie, that’s so weird Cheryl….”
“I could never do that lol.”
This habit of mine is so extreme that I have this app (meant for breaking addiction) that I use to count how many days since I last used Instagram and TikTok. I know this might be an unhealthy coping mechanism, but unfortunately I just can’t go on it for extended periods of time before falling victim to bouts of comparing my life to the life that my friends have.
I know that social media is basically someone’s highlight reels and that they never show you the bad parts, hence you should never be envious of others because you’re never seeing the true depiction of the lives they actually live, but somehow I just can’t help myself.
One underlying, constant thing that I noticed every single time I take social media breaks is this: my burning desires for a lot of things/experiences would vanish, and I’m suddenly grateful for the life I’m living.
“Do you actually want it, or do you just want others to see you having it?” — some girl from a Instagram reel I came across.
Ironic, I know. I came across this concept on Instagram. I realised that this explains why a lot of my desires just dissipated overnight once I deleted the app off my phone. Below are just a few examples of what I mean:
- I was obsessed over getting the Polene Cyme bag (iykyk) months ago because I saw this pretty girl having it on her Instagram story, and because this bag went viral on TikTok a while ago. I no longer care for it now and frankly find the design quite plain now.
- I’m usually very happily single, but couples on my Instagram stories going on date nights and wishing one another happy anniversaries painfully reminds me of the romantic love that I now lack in my life, and I find myself craving to have someone’s company at the end of my doomscrolling.
- I love being an introvert and staying at home all day, but the exuberant and lively lifestyles pictured on my friends’ (and their friends) stories never fail to make me feel like a loser, and that I should probably go outside more.
As soon as Instagram is out of my life and I no longer have anyone to try impress/compare myself to, I realised this.
The only reason why I wanted the latest bag/fashion trends that are hot topics is so that I could post an unboxing/show off my latest purchase on my stories to reaffirm to others that I too, have such a cool bag in my hands.
The only reason why I so desperately want to be in a relationship after doomscrolling is because I want others to know that I too, am capable of having a romantic partner. Do I actually like his presence, or do I just like that I’m able to use him as prop for my mysterious, soft launch stories to get people guessing?
Am I not usually utterly disgusted and disappointed in men’s behaviour most of the time, when I have to deal with them in real life? What’s with the switch up, and why do I suddenly want a boyfriend just because others have one?
Lastly, I can’t COUNT the number of times I stopped doing certain activities just because I wouldn’t be able to post it on my story now that I deleted the account. Similarly, I also lost count the amount of times I did something cool and wanted to show up, so reinstalled the app just to post the story and deleted it again.
There’s many times where I’d go out to do something just for the sake taking pictures to “proof” that I too, do have a social life and that I love going out every now and then. Knowing that these photographic evidences of me “having a life” is often the reason why I’d do something out of my comfort zone like mountain biking, going on a party bus for pub crawl, or agreeing to an impromptu trip down south with acquaintances I barely knew.
While I’m grateful that I got out of my comfort zone and that I have no regrets with any of the above experiences, I have to admit that I mostly did it so that I could post it on my stories and add it to my highlight reels. If social media doesn’t exist at all, I feel like you’d most likely find me holed up reading a book or writing all day.
Now, in a way I feel like sometimes it’s a good thing that social media encourages me to go do things I wouldn’t normally do, or to make me aware of new products that I’d otherwise never know, we should all use it with caution as with anything.
Keep yourself in check and constantly ask if you actually want the thing, or is this just to prove something/make a statement to people you know?
